iSwitch
by ColorsOfTheSky101
Summary: One of Spencer’s unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.
1. Prologue

Summary: One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget

**Summary: **One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.

**A/N: **NEW STORY! And it's gonna be quite interesting. Oh, you'll see.

**Disclaimer: **Oh darn, you caught me, I'm secretly Dan Schneider! No, kidding, just plain, old Colors, owner of nothing iCarly.

I also don't own Freaky Friday, whose idea is similar to this one.

**iSwitch**

**Prologue**

"Will it cause the sky to rain candy?!"

"No."

"Attack Freddie!?"

"No!"

"Fly us to a planet full of friendly, ham-eating aliens who love to share?"

"Sam, aliens don't eat ham!" the brunette iCarly star exclaimed.

"And how would you know?!" Sam Puckett shot back quickly. The two friends were sitting in the Shay's small apartment kitchen, creatively discussing Carly's latest iCarly suggestion.

"Alien's don't even exist!"

"That's negativity!" Sam pointed out. "Look, all I'm saying is, usually when we put something invented or touched by Spencer on our show, expecting something good to happen, it either bursts into flames or nearly takes off our heads!"

"Not true." Carly crossed her arms. She wasn't going to give in that easily. Spencer's happiness was important to her.

"Oh yeah?!" Sam smirked. "Remember his wheel of hammers?"

"That was an accident!"

"…and his mechanical monkey?"

"That only burst into flames _one_ time!" Carly argued.

"Twice!"

"Fine." Carly sighed. "Listen, it's just really important to him. He wants to show the world his new genius invention."

"What is it, even?" Sam asked.

"It's supposed to read your brain waves or something and send out your favorite flavor of frozen yogurt." Sam raised an eyebrow. "Oh, come _on_, like that doesn't sound cool."

"Alright, alright." Sam gave in, annoyed. "We'll have him show his invention at the end of iCarly today."

"Yay." Carly smiled.

"But if anything bad happens," Sam tells her. "It's on _your_ shoulders, Carly Shay."

"Fair enough!" Carly said happily, then turned towards the stairs. "Spencer!"

-Crash- "_What?!_"

"I'm gonna go tell Spencer, okay?" Carly said to Sam. "If Freddie gets here, tell him –"

"That he's a nerd? Why certainly!" Sam finished enthusiastically. Carly sighed.

"Why do I even try?" She gave Sam a look reserved only for her Freddie insult, and then headed up the stairs, after hearing another crash. Sam, meanwhile, was hoping that those crashes had nothing to do with his frozen yogurt machine.

Sam never understood why Carly got so annoyed by her arguments with the dork. It wasn't like they were so out of the blue. She and Freddie were just so different – different school expectations and cares, different socially (as in, he was a loser, and she wasn't), different eating habits, different favorite foods and drinks and colors, different moms, different attitudes, different… _everything_. So of course Sam was prone to arguing with him. There was a heck of a lot to argue about.

A loud yelp from across the hall broke her from her thoughts.

"Fredward, wait!" a screeching voice similar to that of an angered monkey called out. "You forgot your ointment!"

"Mom, I don't need ointment!"

"Don't lie to me!"

"Bye mom!" And in a flash, Freddie Benson was inside the Shay's apartment, the door slammed, panting like a tired runner.

Sam raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Ointment?"

"Don't say a word." He mumbled, pulling himself off the door.

"You're right, it's too easy." She shrugged.

"It is so annoying to live with," he sighed. "You don't even know."

"_Please_," Sam rolled her eyes. "Try having _my_ mom. It ain't pleasant. If I were you, I'd set your mom straight in less than five minutes."

"Oh, you think it's _so_ easy to be me?" he asked, annoyed. "You wouldn't last one day!"

"Well, you'd probably be dead in three seconds if you were me." Sam shot back.

"Wanna bet?"

"We can't, moron." Sam rolled her eyes again. "There's no humanely possible way to switch bodies. _You_, being a dork, should know that." Freddie was about to retort when Carly stepped between the two bickering teens.

"Enough!" she said, fed up. "Let's please just go upstairs and do iCarly before my co-host or techie ends up unconscious!"

"Whatever." Freddie said, glaring at Sam.

"Whatevs!" Sam yelled back, shooting him a similar glare. The three friends then headed upstairs.

* * *

"And that," Sam ended the segment that she and Carly liked to call 'Bananas Dressed Up Like Circus Freaks.' "Is what a bearded banana might look like!"

Carly applauded as Sam hit her remote. "Okay guys, to end the show, we've got a big surprise."

"That hopefully won't set anything on fire!" Sam said energetically with a smile. Carly nudged her in the side. "Ow!" Freddie laughed from behind the camera, but then he remembered that he was supposed to be mad and his smile faded.

"Anyway, please welcome my brother Spencer – "

"The guy with the crazy socks!"

"And his invention!" Sam hit her remote and cheering came out as Spencer and his gadget emerged from the elevator. His invention was tall, silver and oval shaped, a circular window in the middle filled with what looked like twenty or so flavors of frozen yogurt, and some cups. Attached to each side were two large tubes with colorful helmets attached to the ends, with a bunch of wires attached. A tray was attached to the bottom of the window, under an opening in the window where, they guessed, the frozen yogurt would come out.

"Is that Miss Briggs?" Sam asked, laughing. Carly laughed, and Spencer finished rolling his machine in.

"So Spence, tell us what this thing does!" Carly said to her brother.

"My pleasure, Carly!" Spencer said boldly and loudly, as if he had to scream for the world to hear him. "This – " he gestured dramatically to the machine. "Is called the Yogurtinator."

"Clever." Sam said dryly. Spencer ignored her.

"With the simple addition to your head of one of these helmets, the Yogurtinator will read your mind, yes, read it like a _book_, and spit out, though not literally, your favorite frozen yogurt flavor!"

"Cool!" Carly said with a smile, pretending she hadn't heard this before.

"Awesome!" Freddie added. "How did you make it?"

"I have _no_ idea!" he yelled. "But it works!"

"Let's see then." Sam said. "Carly?" She handed Carly one of the helmets. She suddenly looked nervous, and Sam smirked and gave her a look that said '_this was your idea, Carly. You suffer the consequences_.'

Carly put the helmet on her head and fastened herself in. Spencer smiled goofily.

"Here we go!" he shouted excitedly, and pushed a few buttons. "Now concentrate on your favorite ice cream, Carly. _Concentrate_."

Everyone watched in awe as the machine began to sputter and hum wildly. Lights on top of it that no one had noticed before began to flicker randomly. Carly closed her eyes, and then, all of a sudden, a cup full of yogurt popped out through the opening in the window and onto the tray. The machine made a ding noise.

Carly took off the helmet slowly, and they all watched as she walked over to the cup, grabbed a spoon, and popped a small amount of the frozen treat into her mouth.

"Strawberry." She said to her friends and the viewers. "It's strawberry. That's my favorite flavor."

"Told you! Told you!" Spencer started hopping up and down. "I _knew_ it worked!"

"Can you believe this?!" Sam said to Freddie's camera. "I sure can't!"

"Me either!" Freddie agreed. Sam's eyes narrowed.

"I wasn't talking to _you_, dork." She snapped. "I was talking to the viewers."

"Lucky them." He said sarcastically.

"What was that, Fredward?!" They continued to argue while Carly and Spencer stared awkwardly.

"It's gotten so much worse lately, their arguing." Carly whispered to Spencer, so only he could hear. "Any ideas?"

"Well, the yogurt machine can do two people at the same rime," Spencer suggested. "So maybe they can do that to stop argu – "

"Okay you two." Carly said smiling, and she grabbed her two friends, took the camera from Freddie and handed it to Spencer. "We're going to see if it works with two people now!"

Sam groaned. "But – "

"Helmets on." Carly commanded.

Freddie added in. "But I don't want – "

"Helmets _on_!" she handed both of them the separate helmets and they grudgingly placed them on their heads and fastened themselves in. Carly grinned. "Are you guys ready?"

"No." Freddie said, bored.

"Yay." Sam said sarcastically.

"Good! Spencer, do it!"

"Doing it!" he yelled and pushed a couple buttons. The tray under the opening now split into two trays. "Now guys, think hard about your favorite ice cream flavor."

_Chocolate. _Sam thought, annoyed. _Ugh, I can't believe Freddie. He thinks his life is sooo hard. He's such a nerd, I can't stand him!_

_Vanilla. _Freddie was thinking. _I can't believe Sam thinks she's got all the problems. She makes me so angry…_

Suddenly, the machine started to shake and sputter and the lights flickered, more so than before. It looked like it was working until suddenly, it went out of control. Smoke started coming out of the machine, a thick, white smoke, and sparks flew from the top.

"Uh, I think something's wrong!" Spencer shouted over the noise.

"Guys, take the helmets off!" Carly yelled. Freddie and Sam took the helmets off a in panic and threw away across the floor, and backed away. Just as that happened, both helmets caught on fire and the machine stopped whirring. It made the ding noise again, and the lights at the top completely turned off.

Sam looked over at the flaming helmets, and then at Carly. "I told you so."

Spencer ran for the fire extinguisher (at this point, he could find that thing with his eyes closed), and quickly put out the two fires before they set off the alarm, all the while still holding the camera. Then he sighed.

"I guess it didn't work." He said sadly.

"Nooo, I thought it _did_." Sam added, with sarcasm.

Then, out of nowhere, two cups of frozen yogurt popped out of the broken machine. Startled, Sam and Freddie walked over.

"The machine got mine wrong." Freddie stated when he saw the cup of yogurt on what was supposed to be his tray. "This is chocolate."

"Yeah, and mine's vanilla." Sam added. "It was supposed to be chocolate."

"Weird, they must've mixed them up." Carly said. "Oh well, it's broken anyway."

Sam took a bite of Freddie's chocolate yogurt. "And at least the yogurt is good!"

"Hey, that's mine!" Freddie protested.

"Oh, just quit whining and eat my vanilla!" Freddie mumbled something to himself and took Sam's vanilla yogurt.

"Well, that wraps up iCarly for today." Carly told the viewers with a shrug. "I'm Carly."

"I'm Sam!" Sam said, with her mouth full of chocolate ice cream.

"I'm Freddie." Freddie added brightly. Spencer turned the camera to himself.

"And I'm a _fai-heh-heh-heh-lure_!" he wailed.

"And?" Carly urged him.

"And this is iCarly!" he cried, in his famous upset shriek.

Another episode done. Little did Sam and Freddie know just what it caused.

* * *

It was night time, and two teenagers who often fought were fast asleep. Freddie, in his own apartment and bed, and Sam, who was sleeping over at Carly's, as usual.

Sam was snoring lightly, wrapped in a blanket on the Shay's couch. She looked as if she was having a troubling dream. Her best friend Carly was on the other side of the couch, leaning on a pillow, dreaming.

And all of a sudden, Sam's body started to glow a mysterious white color. It seemed to rise, the color, and get whiter and whiter. Slowly, the white fog slipped completely off of Sam and drifted towards the door of the apartment, and then right through it.

Outside the apartment room, the mysterious white fog drifted into the center of the hallway, where but another white fog was waiting. This fog came from Freddie.

As soon as the two fogs touched, at the speed of light, they both zipped in the opposite direction of their source bodies. Sam's fog flew through the Benson's apartment, searching until it found its way to Freddie's room. Slowly, oh so slowly, it sank into Freddie's body. Freddie's fog, at the same time, soared to where Sam was sleeping and disappeared inside her.

Tomorrow was most definitely going to be an interesting day. Because now, the bet was on.

* * *

**A/N: This is a new story idea I had. I was going to release it after I got back from vacation (I leave the 16****th****), along with another crossover story, but for some reason, I felt like putting it up, in case someone else came up with the idea.**

**Oh by the way, I'm aware the mirell has a story out, called iSwitched Bodies, but it's about Sam and CARLY switching, and seems like it is very different from my story. So I am in NO WAY stealing their writing or story. I would never in a million years do that. I just wanted to make that clear.**

**Anyway, I hope you like it! From now on, each chapter will switch between Sam and Freddie's POV.**

**-Colors**


	2. Chapter 1

Summary: One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget

**Summary: **One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.

**A/N: **NEW STORY! And it's gonna be quite interesting. Oh, you'll see.

**Disclaimer: **Oh darn, you caught me, I'm secretly Dan Schneider! No, kidding, just plain, old Colors, owner of nothing iCarly.

**iSwitch**

**Chapter 1**

_**Bzzzzz! Bzzzzz!**_

I groaned, pulling a pillow over my head. _Since when did Carly get another alarm clock?_

You see, I said 'another' because Carly _did_ own an alarm clock last year, and kept it in her room where we usually slept on sleepovers. At least, 'til I slept over one night, it woke me up, and I grabbed it, picked Freddie's door's lock, and threw that sucker right through that door.

Buh-bye noise machine.

Too bad for Fredward he was getting a drink of water and it nailed him right in the back. Ah, fun times.

So I opened my eyes and sat up, ready to do the same thing to this clock, but then I stopped, noticing where I was.

Well, more like noticing I had no idea where I was.

Panic swept through me as I looked around the foreign room. It looked kind of like a guy's room. That thought completely increased my panic.

_Okay Sam, calm down. _I breathed in and out several times before examining the room nervously in order to find some clues.

The room was really bright from all the windows. Aside from that, nothing really stood out. The bed I was in was green, the walls were white, there was some creepily organized desk in front of me and –

_Holy cheese! There are like four computers in here! _I pulled up a hand to run it through my hair, you know, out of stress, but when I didn't feel any long hair, my breath caught in my throat.

Was I in some creepy cult or something where they shave your head? I really hoped not.

But there were other changes I noticed after that. First of all, I wasn't that hungry. I was always hungry, okay?! Always! Second of all, I felt slightly heavier. What was this, _crazy town_?! You can't just gain a noticeable amount of weight overnight!

As I wondered about this all, the white door to the burst open. I cringed when I saw who it was.

"Good morning, my dearest son!" Mrs. Benson chirped happily. Uh, say what?

"What do you mean _son_?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "What're you even doing here? And why is my hair so short?"

Mrs. Benson shot me a look of pure confusion, which probably matched mine. "Freddie, must I explain _again_ how you became my son? I thought you disliked those videos!"

A jolt of shock hit me. Hard. "What?! I'm not Freddie, I'm Sam!"

"Oh don't be silly." She chuckled. "I know what I named my son!"

I stared at her for long time, completely and utterly lost. _Does this nutso mom really think I'm Freddie?_

But slowly, I began to piece things together. I was in _Freddie's_ room. I wasn't hungry. I was heavier than I was yesterday. _Oh my god._

I saw a mirror on the desk I'd seen before and grabbed it. Shaking weakly, I slowly raised the mirror to where I could view myself.

And I screamed.

Because staring back at me was the geeky face of Freddie Benson.

My scream seemed to pierce through the entire room. The mirror fell to the ground and shattered.

"Freddie! How many times have I told you not to shatter glass!" Mrs. Benson yelled, appalled. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

There had to be a mistake. There had to be something wrong with that mirror. There was no way this was happening to me.

_There's just no way that I'm…I'm…_

I looked at my shattered reflection in the mirror below me. "I'm a _dork_!"

"Now, now, don't have such poor image of yourself." Mrs. Benson told me and clucked her tongue. "That Samantha girl just continues to mess with your self-esteem..."

I ignored her, as my heart sped up. I was in Freddie's body. Did that mean he was in mine? _Aw man_.

_Maybe I'm dreaming. _I thought to myself, looking down. I pinched myself and cringed. _Nope_.

Pure horror washed over me yet again. _Maybe I'm just going insane…yeah, that's it_.

There was only one way to find out.

"I've got to go over to Carly's!" I told Mrs. Benson, exasperated. I ran full speed out the door.

"Wait, Freddie, your daily tick bath!" Mrs. Benson shouted behind me. My eyes widened in horror, and I quickened my pace.

Finally, I managed to get into the Shay's house, thanks to my wonderful lock-picking ability.

Carly and I (Freddie…?) were sleeping on the couch, a rerun of Girly Cow blasting from the TV. Oh cheese, this was just too weird.

"Freddie, how'd you get in here?" I jumped. Okay, so Carly was up. _What do I do? What do I do?_

"Uh, th-the door was open." I explained, trying to sound Freddie-ish. "I need to talk to Fr-_Sam_." I guess it worked, because Carly then got up and shrugged.

"Okay, well." She started. "Since I'm not in much of a mood to watch you guys kill each other, I'm gonna go get ready for school. Do you need a ride, by the way?"

"Yeah, thanks." I watched as Carly disappeared up the stairs, and then looked toward 'Freddie.'

Ignoring the fact that I looked incredibly weird sleeping with my mouth open, I lightly tapped Freddie on the shoulder.

"Freddie." I hissed. "Freddie, wake up!" He (I? Jeez, this was confusing) didn't move. I sighed. Obviously, the fact that Freddie was in my body didn't change the fact that I was a ridiculously heavy sleeper. He let out a snore, and I rolled my eyes. I grabbed a pillow and started pummeling him with it. "Freddie, wake _up_, you stupid nerd!"

"Ow, ow, ow!" Freddie woke up and scrambled around, flinging the pillow I was whacking him with to the floor. "What's your - ?!" He looked up at me, and I watched as his reaction made my face visibly paler.

"Okay, Freddie." I said calmly and quickly. "Just listen for a sec. I think we've – "

"Back off, freakish clone!" he yelled, picking up a pillow and slowly backing away. "I'm not afraid to use this!"

"Freddie, it's Sam." I whispered, annoyed. "Shut up and listen to me. I think, somehow, we switched bodies." I walked towards him, annoyed.

"Did you not hear me? I have back-up!" he shouted, scared.

"It's a pillow, you moron!" And I stepped forward and whacked it out of his hand.

He stared, astounded. "Maybe you _are_ Sam."

"I am, dummy, but you look like her! Come here!" I grabbed his wrist and yanked him over to the mirror in the back of the room. Yeah, yeah, he screamed, he freaked out, yada yada.

"Is this some crazy nightmare?!" he shouted at me. "I can't be…_Sam_!"

"Oh, and what's so bad about being Sam?" I asked angrily, clenching his fists.

"Everything!" he shot back, and he kept looking in the mirror, as if hoping his reflection would somehow become normal again. Well, normal for him. He was always really odd looking, especially his face.

Aw man! That was _my_ face now. How would I ever survive?

"Wait, how do I know you're _really_ Sam?" he asked, turning to face me again. God, was he ever going to let that clone thing go? Someone's has been watching way too many geek movies.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Come give me a hug."

He raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." I crossed Freddie's arms and waited. He came forward, and awkwardly put my arms around me (okay, let me just say it was way weird hugging myself…). I smirked and grabbed at his (my? Ew, I was going to have to burn that underwear) underwear and pulled. He yelped and stumbled backwards.

"Well?" I continued smirking.

"Okay, okay, you're Sam." He said warily.

"Thank you."

"Now will you quit smirking like that? It's freaking me out!" I rolled my eyes. "So how do you think this happened?"

"Don't ask me! _You're_ the tech geek!"

"_Producer_!"

"Whatever! Just think of how we can fix this disaster!" He shot me a glare, which actually looked threatening for once, since, well, he _was_ me, and then he went into deep thought.

"Hey!" he snapped his fingers. "Maybe it was Spencer's machine! Remember how it mixed up our yogurts and broke down?"

I shook my head. "That's nuts."

"Maybe if we just get Spencer to fix the machine, we can switch back."

"Fine, let's go." I ran towards the stairs but he grabbed my right shoulder.

"Wait, no!" I spun around. "We'll miss school!"

I stared. "So?"

"So, it'll ruin my perfect attendance record if you don't show up!"

I continued to stare. "I still don't get why that's bad."

"Sam, come on!" he begged. "We're just going to have to pretend to be each other or something. Like in those cliché movies." He began pacing. "You'll need me to guide you, of course. I'll tell you all about how I act and – "

"Oh please!" I snorted. He stopped pacing. "I know exactly how to be you. Watch." I lifted my hand and slid it over my face, as if I was changing it. Then I clasped my hands together and looked up at the ceiling. "'Oh Carly, I love you, even though I have no chance because I'm such a dork! Oh please date me, please, please, please!'" Then I turned to him. "'Sam, stop messing with the white balance on my camera! I hate fun and anything related to fun. Blah, blah, blah, _that's disrespectful_!'" Then I smiled confidently. "See?"

He glowered. "That's disrespe – !" he stopped. "Not very nice at all!"

"So what else is new?" I rolled my eyes.

"And anyway, at least _I'm_ normal." He argued. "All I have to do to be you is shove random people, eat, and talk about how all of my family's in jail!"

I froze, and I guess I must've looked hurt for a second because Freddie looked taken aback. _That stupid dork. He doesn't know __**anything**__._

"Shut up." I said quietly.

"Sam?" He sounded sincere, and in my body that was hard to do, but I didn't care. I knew he wouldn't either.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about how I'd like being a dork." I lied, smirking. "It didn't make me very happy." Freddie scoffed. "Now go change into the clothes I brought here." And then I inched way close up to his face. He actually looked pretty dang scared. "And if you look in a mirror or at any of my stuff, you will wake up tomorrow in your own body and in a lot of pain. Kapeesh?"

He gulped. "The kapeeshiest." I smiled.

"Good. Now go."

* * *

We both returned a few minutes later. I was gonna wear something really funny and un-Freddie-like, but his mom had an attack. Ha.

As we both arrived into the apartment, Carly came downstairs slowly. She approached us, looking around, then she sighed with relief.

"Phew, no blood, good." She joked. "So guys, ready to go?"

"To the Spencer-mobile!" Spencer cane out of nowhere and grinned.

Freddie started to speak. "Wait, Carly, you have to listen to me, I'm – mfgfh" I quickly covered Freddie's mouth, well, my mouth, and dragged him away.

"One second." I smiled at Carly as she and Spencer stared at us like we had three heads.

Oh, Carly. I would much rather have had three heads than been stuck in _this_ head.

I whipped Freddie around and stared at me like he was, nope, strike that, _because_ he was a complete doof. "We can't tell them!"

"What?!" he whispered. "Why?!"

"They'll think we're insane!"

"But they could help!"

"I am not telling anyone that I'm stuck in a nerd's body, okay? It's not happening!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Good."

"Okay, let's stop with the adjectives and go back." I yanked the loser trapped in my body back towards Carly and he stumbled.

"Sooo, uh, important discussion?" she asked, smiling like we had a secret.

"Oh, yeah." I said. "We were just talking about…" I turned to Freddie and smirked. "How much I _don't_ love you anymore." Carly looked pleasantly surprised, but confused.

"What?!" Freddie yelled angrily. He looked at Carly. "Carly, sh-_he_, he doesn't mean that! He's lying!"

"Nope." I crossed my arms and smiled. "Actually, I think my type is more Miss Briggs, or maybe…" I looked towards Freddie in my body, almost saying something I would really regret, so I stopped.

Freddie looked absolutely angry. At least he could pass as me now.

"Okay…" Carly glanced at us, back and forth.

"Weird…" Spencer said quietly, dragging out the word.

"Are you guys okay?"

"Yeah, we're…oodles of okay!" Freddie said, and it took all my strength to not burst out laughing.

Carly continued staring. "Okay then. To the Spencer mobile!" Freddie and I both choked out a laugh that didn't sound too convincing as Carly turned around and went out the door, Spencer ahead of her.

Freddie whirled around to face me. "_Why_ did you do that?!"

I smirked. "Oh, just for fun."

"Well, two can play at that game!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, we'll see about that." I told him. "Just remember Freddork. If you bite me, all I do is bite harder."

Carly poked her head in. "Are you guys coming?" She looked sort of annoyed.

"Yeah," I said.

"Uh-huh." Freddie said weakly, and we both followed her out the door.

Call me nutty, but I highly doubted this would end well.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, there's chapter 1! It was really mostly dialogue, but I hope it turned out well. It might've been a bit confusing, but I'm hoping it wasn't. Thanks to all who reviewed the prologue!**

**-Colors**


	3. Chapter 2

Summary: One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget

**Summary: **One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.

**A/N: **NEW STORY! And it's gonna be quite interesting. Oh, you'll see.

**Disclaimer: **Oh darn, you caught me, I'm secretly Dan Schneider! No, kidding, just plain, old Colors, owner of nothing iCarly.

**iSwitch**

**Chapter 2**

I sat there in Sam's seat, fidgeting nervously. My stomach was growling. Why was Sam always so _hungry_? It was actually really annoying. Why, you ask?

I appreciate your curiosity. I, Freddie, was _in_ Sam's body! Therefore, I was now the keeper of not only her ridiculous appetite, but also her blonde hair, which kept hitting my face and making me itch (part of me wondered whether this happened to all girls, or Sam had somehow planned for this. Sam's hair was, after all, part of Sam. Therefore, it was completely evil).

Sam was sitting in front of me, as me, obviously, and I kept glancing from Miss Briggs' crazy ramble to Sam to make sure she was acting enough like me. Of course this was a serious, and somewhat unethical condition, but did I want my perfect grade point average to be flushed down the toilet on account of Sam Puckett?

Not really!

I breathed a silent gasp of relief when I realized how still Sam was sitting. _Maybe she can pull this off, after all. _But that relief soon faded into annoyance when I heard a small snore. I rolled my ('kay, for future reference, when I say my or mine I mean Sam's, okay? Good.) eyes and flicked her in the back of the head. There, that was definitely Sam-like.

She woke up and looked around frantically, and then her eyes fell on mine. Did I mention how weird it was to be stared down by your own eyes?!

"Pay attention!" I whispered harshly. "You will _not_ diminish my straight A's! Do you hear me?!"

"Oh, loud and clear." She fell back into the seat she was in, slumping. Hey, I did _not_ slump!

"Sit up straight!" I hissed.

Her head wheeled around. "Who are you, my mother?!"

"No, that would be the crazy woman who walks around in a bikini!"

"You know what - ?!"

"Samantha, Fredward!" Miss Briggs suddenly snapped. My head shot up, and Sam rolled her eyes. _No! Please, Sam, please…pleaaaase don't sass her! _"Is there something you'd like to share with the class?"

I shook my head robotically and clasped my hands together. "No, Miss Briggs." She stared, dumbfounded.

And then she let out a disbelieving laugh. "Seriously?" After a few moments of me staring at her politely, she stopped. "Not a word, Miss Puckett?" I shook my head. She turned to Sam. _Please no, Sam… _"What about you, Mr. Benson?"

Sam smiled mischievously, and suddenly I knew that she wasn't planning on answering like I would. "What's it to ya, Bubble Butt?!" _No!_

Miss Briggs gaped, wide-eyed. The whole class erupted into laughter, and some kids put their hands out for Sam to high five them, but she shooed them away.

"Freddie Benson…" she fumed. "Principal's office…_now_!"

"Yeah, yeah." I watched in utter horror as Sam waltzed out of the classroom, towards the principal's office, as me, like it didn't matter at all!

It mattered, okay?! It mattered!

Soon enough, Miss Briggs was back to being boring.

"Looks like Freddie's trying to out-misbehave you, Sam." A girl by the name of Gretchen snickered at me from my left. Carly tapped me on the shoulder at my right, and I quickly turned to face her.

"What is up with him lately?" she whispered, shocked. "Not that I don't completely love it that he seems to be over that little crush of his, but he's starting to act a bit like _you_."

"Really?" I said nervously. "I-I didn't notice." _I need to go find Sam before she destroys the rest of my education. Wait, I have an idea! _I stood up abruptly, and everyone's head whipped around. Wow, I never realized how much will power you needed to insult a teacher in class.

"Miss Briggs, you…um…" I waited for an evil-genius Sam insult to enter my brain, until I realized that, despite my unfortunate exterior, I was still Freddie on the inside. And Freddie couldn't insult someone on impulse for his life. "You're a bad teacher!" _Well, that was lame_.

"Principal's office, Samantha!" Briggs hissed, and I headed out the door. _Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be. I guess getting Sam in trouble is just natural for Miss Briggs…_

I began walking in the direction of Principal Franklin's office, until I saw Sam heading the opposite way…

I quickly ran to her side (good thing Sam was a fast runner) angrily, stopping her. "Sam! Are you _trying_ to make me look like a total freak?!" I regretted that the moment I said it.

"Okay, one," she held up a finger, smirking. "I don't need to. You do that on your own. And two." She smiled, happy with herself. "Yes."

I ignored her comment. "You know the office is that way, right?" I pointed behind me.

"Yep, I'm aware."

I raised an eyebrow. "Then where did you - ?"

"I had to pee. Man, do you have weak bladder." She mocked. Okay, that was so uncalled for! So what if I slept in a diaper 'til I was ten?! It was what was inside that counted! "Oh, and did you know you guys have really weird long sinks in there?"

"Those are urinals." I said dryly.

"Oh, good thing I used the smaller sinks then." She shuddered. "Why are they even there? It's so much easier to just use the stalls!"

I really didn't want to think about Sam using my body to pee (uncomfortable much?), and the ridicule I would probably get for using the stall to do so. That was just weird.

"You're ruining my life!" I groaned. "And it's not even lunch time yet!"

"That's a new record!" she beamed. I responded with a glare. "Oh come on. It's not my fault you're too chicken to embarrass _me_." That wasn't the problem. The problem was that I just couldn't think of anything that would embarrass her. She was, as much as it sucked, untouchable. I mean sure, there were those really embarrassing things, like running through the halls naked or something like that. But I would never go that far. And anyway, if I did that, she'd just strike back harder.

I just couldn't win.

"I'll think of something." I shot back defensively. "You just wait."

"'Til what? I shake in my elevated shoes?" she fake-gasped.

And I thought Sam as _herself_ was mean. Sam as me was way meaner.

"I haven't hit my growth spurt yet." I muttered. Then I brightened up. "Hey! I'm taller than you now!"

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes.

"Come on, we've got to get to the office before Principal Franklin comes looking for us." I told her.

She smirked. _She had better stop doing that, or I'd do something…really, really bad!_ "You can go. I'm fine here."

"But I'll get in even more trouble!" _Oh, she was getting on my last nerve_.

"Exactly!" she patted me on the shoulder. "Glad you see you're catching on." The bell rang, indicating that fourth period was over. It was time for lunch.

Carly appeared around the corner, walking over to us with a strange look on her face. It was directed towards me, well, Carly probably thought she was staring incredulously at Sam, but it was me.

"Sam, I've got to talk to you." She whispered, and then looked over at 'Freddie' (Sam). "Alone." I pretended I had no idea what she was saying. "Without our techy!" This statement was directed at Sam, who shrugged.

"Fine by me. I'm hungry." She walked away, and Carly and I watched in horror as she shoved Gibby down on her wall across the hall. She turned a corner and we were alone.

Under normal circumstances, this would be great news. But, seriously, when _were_ the circumstances normal?

Carly turned to me, and asked, "So Sam, remember last week when you told me you'd rather eat Lewbert's socks than stand next to Freddie for over two seconds?" _She __**said**__ that?! Yeesh, she really hates me…Doesn't Lewbert have, like, toe fungi?_

"Yeah, why?"

"Why? Well, let's see…" she pretended to think, and then smirked. "Freddie broke into my house at sixty thirty in the morning to talk to you privately. Then, Freddie suddenly announced that he doesn't like me anymore…" _Carly, no! That was __**Sam**__! NO! _"…and looked right towards you. Suddenly, he's acting a lot like you, and you guys are getting kicked out of class together." _Oh no. Has she figured it out? That Sam and I switched places? _"I think our little techboy likes you!"

It took a moment for that to register before I gracefully choked on my own spit. "_What?!_"

"So now what you told me before makes much more sense." She beamed. _The Lewbert's socks thing?_

"The Lewbert thing?!" I asked, frazzled.

"No, the other thing! The reason. Remember?" _What other thing?! Man, girl talk was confusing!_

"No!" I said loudly, exasperated. "Carly, how could you think that I-_Freddie_ likes me?! He loves you, and he'll only ever love you! And I hate him!" _Doesn't she?_

"Oh, he just thinks he loves me." She shook her head, waving away my _completely true _statement. "He'll stop kidding himself soon enough."

"He knows it!" I argued desperately. "He really, truly knows it!"

"Why are you so upset?" she asked, concerned. "Weren't you the one who told me that you hated the fact that Freddie liked me?"

_Wait, what?_

"I do?" I narrowed my eyes in confusion. "I – I told you that?"

"Well, it was more along the lines of 'if Freddie randomly proclaims his love to you one more time, I swear to ham I will punch his brain out!'" Carly replied, with a shrug. "But yeah. Seriously, there's something up with you today." She studied me.

"I'm just tired." I faked a yawn. "And Freddie doesn't like me. I'm sure if he were here…" I stopped. "Which he isn't, he would puke just from the thought of it."

She sighed. "Don't be so down on yourself. Let's go to lunch."

"Yay, leftover garbage with a side of inedible items…" I said dryly, despite my growling stomach. I was pretty distracted by that little piece of information Carly had given.

I was just thankful that it was I who'd been told that, and not Sam. Phew.

But, as always, there was the bad news; the fact that the girl of my dreams thought I liked her abrasive best friend, who just so happened to hate my guts (and all other parts of me, really). Of course she was wrong. All her little 'clues' happened only because Sam and I got into this stupid _Freaky Friday_ (it was Wednesday though…_Wacky Wednesday_? Oh, whatever) situation.

So again, she was wrong. I _didn't_ like Sam, okay?! Nor did I enjoy _being_ Sam!

"I thought you loved the cafeteria food." Carly commented, and then added a side thought. "Well, all food."

"I've had a change of heart." I shrugged. _More like __**brain**__._

We walked by Gibby, who had just gotten up from the trip 'Freddie' had given him, and Carly looked surprised yet again. "Enough not to pick on Gibby?!" She stopped in the middle of the hallway and felt my forehead. "Are you sick?!"

"Car –!"

"Is the room spinning? Did you bump your head on –?"

"Carly."

"A light or, wait, maybe –"

"Carly!" she stopped talking. "You're starting to sound like my mom!"

She squinted. "What?" Oh, I said 'my' instead of Freddie's. Oops.

"I meant Freddie's mom, jeez." I rolled my eyes, pretending I was fine, but I was the opposite of fine! Go look up 'fine' in the dictionary; I was the _opposite_ of that! I was stuck in my enemy's body! Carly was still staring. "I'm alright, okay?"

She sighed. "Fine. Let's go find Freddie."

"Why?! I, um, I hate him!" I found the right words. "Yeah, I hate that dork!" Carly dragged me towards the cafeteria.

I could do this. I just had to think clearly, stay calm, and remember my good morals.

Wait, I was supposed to be _Sam_.

Never mind.

* * *

**A/N: Ha, what an insane chapter. Sorry if it was a little short. I wanted to stop there. It looks like Sam is having tons of fun making Freddie's life miserable. And Carly's getting suspicious, except her clues aren't really clues at all. Are they?**

**And Freddie swears he'll find a way to get revenge on his blonde frenemy. What will become of that?**

**Stay tuned! And check out my new iCarly/Zoey101 crossover, 'We Always Argue'!**

**Oh, also, check out my new icon on my profile! It's Seddie, and I laugh everytime I look at it. Lol.**

**-Colors**


	4. Chapter 3

Summary: One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget

**Summary: **One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.

**Disclaimer: **Oh darn, you caught me, I'm secretly Dan Schneider! No, kidding, just plain, old Colors, owner of nothing iCarly.

**iSwitch**

**Chapter 3**

As nutty as it sounds, this was _fun_.

I mean, yeah, it sucked to be stuck inside a dork's body, but if it meant making Freddork's life even more miserable than before, then hey, might as well look on that bright side.

_When life gives you lemons, throw them at people._

And the fact that Freddie would never have the guts to embarrass me back made it even more perfect. And even if he did, what was he gonna do? Answer a question right in class? Do my homework?

Oh yes, I was so frightened.

Carly and Freddie had left a while back with Spencer, and I was waiting for Mrs. Benson to come get me. I was going to drive home with Carly, but a person could only take so much Freddie, especially if they were _in_ Freddie's body.

Wow, that really made no sense. Ah, whatever.

While we're waiting, I guess I'll list all of the fun things I made Freddie do today: skip half of Briggs class after telling her off, knock Gibby down, rip his AP Upper Honors Math test in half and shout "Math is for squares!" (Get it? Squares? That random two that goes above some numbers?), and eat his History homework (so I can tell Miss Ackerman's gullible replacement, Miss Credman, that a dog did indeed eat my homework). Man, I had really outdone myself. Freddie should've been thanking me for giving him so many fun things to deal with once we asked Spencer to fix his yogurt machine.

Instead, he was getting all mad. But I guess that was okay, because it was funny and Sam didn't normally talk to him anyway.

Carly, on the other hand, had been giving me questioning looks all day. Well, she'd been giving them to Freddie, so I wondered what was up. I also wondered what she had to tell me.

Okay, this was the best. For once, I actually had the right to know what secret thing Carly was telling Freddie…because it was for _me_ to hear! So once I got out of this dork body, I'd just tell Carly I had amnesia all day, and tell her to repeat the question. Or something else, because that plan was dumb. I'll think of something. I always did.

The Benson family car pulled up, breaking my thoughts. Mrs. Benson opened the main door, and suddenly I knew this part wouldn't be as fun. Or, well, fun at all.

"Fredward, honey! How was your day?" she asked loudly but sincerely. She raced over to me, and I tried to struggle as she applied cloud block (there weren't even any clouds out!), but it was no use.

"It was interesting." I told her honestly, after the lotion was heavily applied. Gross much? I got into her car, unaware that the second I did so, it would be twenty questions.

Mrs. Benson started driving, and I noticed that her car was creepily clean. No scuff marks, no drinks, no garbage. It was definitely a change from my mom's pick-up truck. The last time she cleaned it was because Greg (boyfriend number twelve) asked her to.

"So…" she said, stretching out the vowel for a long time. "How was your math test?! Did you do well?! Was it hard?!"

"Um…" Suddenly I felt a bit guilty ripping the test, realizing it really was going to get him in a lot of trouble. Or maybe it was just the satisfaction of a prank well-done eating at my insides.

"And how's Carly?! Do you still love her?! Have you moved on yet, like you wanted to?!" Had Carly told Mrs. Benson about what I made Freddie say earlier? _But wait, I never said I wanted to move on…move on to __**what?!**_"Did you talk to her at all today?! Oh, and how is Samantha?! Still bullying you?! Come on, son, tell all the deets!"

_Wow._

"How's your lovely teacher Francine? Did you apply tick lotion before and after entering Math class like I told you last night? How's Jeremy? When was the last time you saw that boy? Really, Freddie, he's a nice kid –" _Whose hobbies include sneezing, wheezing, and dripping? No thanks._ "And how was iCarly yesterday? Anything interesting? –" _Oh no, not at __**all.**_

Strangely, I found myself answering all her questions (minus all the real fun I had. Didn't want Freddie's mom to have a heart attack). I don't think anyone had taken any interest in me like this since….well, since a long time. It was kind of nice.

No one better find out that I said that though.

Finally, we pulled into the parking lot of Bushwell Plaza, and Mrs. Benson told me she was going out to buy some ingredients for her famous broccoli surprise (yay). I headed up the elevator after setting the clock on Lewbert's desk to ring loudly in one minute (he was sleeping, but soon he wouldn't be).

I soon got to Carly's apartment and knocked, remembering that Freddie was too stupid to pick a lock.

"Hey Freddie," Carly said, letting me in.

"Hey." I said back, and then I looked over at Freddie, who merely turned away. He was probably glaring. Whatever.

Carly eyed Freddie and leaned in to me. "What's eating her?"

"Anything that she doesn't eat her first?"

She smiled. "Oh yes." She walked over to the kitchen. "Do you guys want some watermelon?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Watermelon sounds good." Freddie replied, sounding a lot like he didn't really care. Seriously, he was making this so easy. I embarrassed him; he pulled off being me to some extent. It was almost too perfect. "Hey, where's Spencer?" Oh yeah, we needed to ask Spencer to fix his yogurt thing.

Carly was casually chopping watermelon into chewable pieces when she responded, "Oh, I think he's tearing apart his yogurt thing for a robot sculpture…" _Oh, ha ha. Typical Spe – wait, tearing up __**what?!**_I turned to Freddie, and he was wearing my shocked expression. I was sure I was wearing his, too. Carly eyed us good-naturedly. "What? Bottle Bot doesn't deserve a friend?"

"He's…he's…" Freddie looked like he was about to faint. "He's destroying the Yogurtifyer?"

"It's the Yogurtinator." I pointed out quietly.

"Whatever!"

"Well, maybe he hasn't started yet," Carly answered. "But –" Before Carly could finish her sentence, I charged past her and her chopped watermelon and up the stairs, hearing a round of footsteps behind me.

This was bad. This was so, so, so bad. No way in ham would I stay in this dorky body for the rest of my life!

In a flash, I was in the iCarly studio, where I heard Spencer scream, an action he usually did right before smashing something (don't believe me? Take a look at all the iCrush it episodes…).

"Spencer, _nooo_!" I charged with great speed towards Carly's crazy, screaming, mid-swing brother and tackled him. The hammer flew out of his hands as I brought Spencer to the floor, and it crashed out of the back window of the iCarly studio. The room was silent for a few moments, as three things happened: Carly stared, dumbfounded, Freddie hurriedly went over to the machine, examining any further damage (nerd…), and a large, angry "ow!" was heard from outside the window.

I got off of Spencer and helped him up. He looked pretty scared, actually.

"Freddie?" he asked slowly.

"Yep?" I answered, trying to pretend I hadn't just pummeled him to the ground.

"Why did you just attack me abrasively and send my hammer flying out the window?" he asked, backing away.

"Because…um…because…" I searched my brain for an answer, but this wasn't exactly something that had an easy explanation. Besides, my brain didn't enjoy thinking intensely.

"Because S-_Freddie_ wanted frozen yogurt!" Freddie finished quickly.

"Oh really?" Carly asked, an amused smirk on her face. _Freddie, you're an idiot._

"Yeah! Isn't it obvious?" Freddie threw them a pretty impressive Sam look and reached into the machine, bringing out vanilla yogurt in a cup. Then he reached across the machine and handed it to me. "Here Fred…ward. You know, I could use some, too!" I watched as Freddie scooped my favorite flavor for himself.

"I hate vanilla ice cream." I hissed, so only he could hear.

"Just eat it!" he shot back.

"Or I could stick it in your face!"

"Rude."

"Yup."

He scowled in the way he usually did, and then smiled toward Carly and Spencer, who were just staring. Well, Spencer was having a thumb wrestle with himself…so never mind. "You guys want some?"

"No, ugh, I lost again!" Spencer yelled.

"Maybe." Carly said sternly. "After you tell me the _real_ reason you tackled my brother to the ground." She crossed her arms and waited silently.

I turned to Freddie, wondering what we were gonna say. The truth? A lie? Nothing at all? We would never in a million years get away with the third one. Remember how I said I had ways? Carly Shay had _way_ ways.

"No rabbit holes! That's cheating!" Spencer said frantically, still playing thumb wrestling.

"Okay." Freddie stepped forward. "Here's the truth." I raised an eyebrow. I _swear to ham, if he told her that I was him, I would –_ "The Yogurtinator caused us to switch bodies. I'm _Freddie_, not Sam." _– kill him! I am going to heavily damage that kid; I don't care if he's in my body!_

The room was silent for a couple moments, before a large sound echoed through the room.

Laughter. At _my_ expense. Well, mostly Freddie's, but mine too!

"Nice. One. Sam!" Carly exploded with laughter. Freddie and I chuckled nervously, deciding that she definitely wasn't going to believe us. Spencer joined in, and Carly and Spencer leaned on each other in a fit of laughter.

So obviously, the Shays definitely weren't an option to tell.

"You kids get funnier everyday!" Spencer said goofily, rubbing our heads. "And hey, Freddie, you were running pretty fast. I see you got over your I-Hate-Fast-Locomotion phase!"

"Yep, but I'm still in My Dork Phase!" I said proudly. Freddie tried his best to remain composed.

"Are you on auto-insult pilot or something?" Carly laughed. Ah, humor at Freddie's expense. This was the kind I enjoyed. Carly also seemed to have forgotten about the tackle to the ground thing.

"Well…" I readied myself to refuel the insults, but Freddie interrupted.

"Spencer, do you think you could fix the yogurt machine?" he asked, bringing the subject away from his inevitable dorkyness and to something more logical. No surprise there.

"Of course! I'm an electrical wiz!" he announced boldly, grabbing a wrench that just so happened to be in his pocket. Right after his proclamation, the wrench randomly caught on fire, and he yelled loudly in surprise. Panicked, he quickly threw the wrench away, and it fell out of the same window.

"Aw, it burnt my pinky!" he said sadly, examining his wounded finger.

"And broke our window." Carly added. "Again." A car alarm began ringing from outside the apartment building.

Spencer glanced at all of us nervously as the car alarm continued to roar. "How 'bout we stay away from windows today?"

"Yep/sure/okay." Carly, Fredward and I all said, one after the other.

"I'll try to fix this thing, then." Spencer said after the alarm stopped. "Though I still don't get why you want it fixed. It almost burnt your heads off…"

"Yeah, well…" I shrugged, with no intention of finishing the sentence.

"I'll help!" Carly chirped in.

"Pfft!" Spencer put his hands on his hips, superhero style. "Spencer Shay needs no assistance!" The car alarm sounded again from outside, and an angry woman was screaming wildly. He sighed, slumping forward. "Grab a screwdriver." We all laughed lightly, and for a sec I forgot I was in Freddie's body, 'til I caught a glimpse of my reflection in Spencer's machine and sighed in frustration. Even though the embarrassing Freddie part was fun, I needed to be me again. Freddie wasn't tough enough to be me. _I_ wasn't even tough enough to be me. I was just better at hiding it.

I watched as Carly and Spencer worked together on the machine, a small but perfect-in-its-own-way family. Freddie and I merely watched, along for the ride but never truly a part of it. "Freddie, want to help?" I mean, yeah, I had a mom, but – "Freddie?" – that didn't mean that – "Freddie!" _Whoops, she means me._

"No, I'm okay." I responded. "I'd better get home before, uh, my mom calls the police…or something." I sounded awkward, but Carly nodded in understanding anyway.

"I should probably get home, too." I heard Freddie say. As _me_. As in, he was going to _my_ house. To live _my_ life.

No. No _way_. That was not an option.

"You're going home?" Carly sounded surprised, but not astounded, as she drove a screw into the left side of the Yogurtinator. I understood though; I almost never went home.

"Yeah…" Freddie raised an eyebrow in confusion. He was never very observant with anything that wasn't under a microscope or in "Video Effects", so he probably assumed I went home all the time, like lots of kids.

_Wrong, Freddo. You lose. _He told Carly he'd see her later and headed downstairs. I followed him quickly.

Grabbing his shoulder, I spun him around, possibly harder than I meant because he fell to the ground and down the stairs, yelling 'ow' until he was all the way to the bottom. Some of my body's blonde hair went into his mouth and he spat, disgusted.

_Note to self; shave head._

"You can't go to my house!" I shouted angrily.

"Why not?!"

"Because you just can't!"

"I know where it is!"

"That's not the problem, doofus!" He stood up and brushed himself off with sharp motions.

"Then care to enlighten me on what _is_?" Who did he think he was? I didn't just go around…telling people stuff! Especially _him_. When he was about to go to my apartment and act as _me_.

Suddenly, I hated the Yogurtinator with a passion. Why did this even happen?! The machine was supposed to give us a brain _freeze_, not _transplant_!

"None of your beeswax, dork!" I spat. "I just…I don't want you touching any of my stuff!" _Lie number one._

"Why would I want to?" he asked, annoyed, but then he probably noticed how frantic I looked, though I didn't mean to look that way. It just sort of happened. He stared right at me, not angry anymore. "What's wrong that you don't want me to know?" I think he meant it kind of sincerely, but I paid no attention to that. Why? Because he was trying to tear down my perfectly crafted wall. I _loved_ that wall.

"Nothing! Jeez!" I pretended like _he_ was the one who needed to calm down. _Lie number two_.

"Then why can't I - ?"

"Just go." I just wanted him to leave, okay?

He stared for a moment, and then ended our discussion: "Fine. Don't even think of touching anything flammable, breakable, or, heck, _touchable_, in my apartment!"

"No promises." He made an angry sound and left. I watched him leave. I imagined him going home, seeing my mom, seeing my house…seeing _me_. I stood there a little while, trying to convince myself that everything would be just fine, that Freddie would just go straight to my room, that my walls were totally safe…

_Lie number three. Lie number four. Lie number five._

* * *

**A/N: No, Sam isn't getting abused. There are so many stories about that already. But is **_**something**_** going on? Hmm…you'll have to see.**

**Obviously, Sam is having mixed feelings about many, many things. I hope you guys like this chapter, and I'm SO sorry I took so long. School. Drama. Blah dee blah. You don't want to hear my excuses, but I really am sorry!**

**Thanks for reading!:)**

**-Colors**


	5. Chapter 4

Summary: One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget

**Summary: **One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.

**Disclaimer: **Oh darn, you caught me, I'm secretly Dan Schneider! No, kidding, just plain, old Colors, owner of nothing iCarly.

**iSwitch**

**Chapter 4**

If I were to make a list of the top five girls of the world the confuse me the most, Sam Puckett would be the first four (the fifth would be Briggs because never in my life had I seen a more bitter person). Just when you thought you had her (Sam, not Miss Briggs) figured out, bam, she did something that smashed your theory to pieces. There was no science to it; no logical explanation as to why Sam was the way she was. At least, I hadn't found one. But I' was determined to. No one was just born angry and defensive, were they?

She was definitely acting stranger than usual before I left. It looked like she, for some reason, really didn't want me to go to her apartment. Maybe it was because she secretly owned a ham factory. Typical Sam, she would want _all_ the ham to herself.

I continued on, down the street and around the corner, my steps lighter than normal (it was still difficult to get used to). I really had to go to the bathroom…but I _really_ didn't want to, for obvious reasons.

I knew the way to Sam's from Bushwell Plaza like I knew my address and phone number. It was just one of those things permanently engraved into my mind from my childhood. I used to go to Sam's house all the time when I was little, believe it or not. I guess you could say we were best friends. We met in first grade while fighting over the Macaroni-And-Cheese Crayola Crayon. We ended up splitting it in half, the only time I could remember us coming to a compromise. After school, my mom would walk me to Sam's apartment at Landson Plaza B while she ran errands, and Sam and I would…I don't know, play and stuff. It was hard to remember exact details of that time, because, somehow, when Carly moved here in 3rd grade, everything was different.

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, realizing that, come to think of it, I hadn't been to Sam's since then. Had Carly? Had anyone?

This was what I meant by Sam Puckett being so dang confusing!

I walked a few more feet then, shaking my head and wondering why I even cared. This would all go away eventually. Spencer would fix his stupid yogurt machine, Sam and I would switch back, and we'd go back to hating each other while I chased after Carly.

It was what I wanted, wasn't it? It was how it was supposed to be.

The dark-lettered 'Landson Plaza B' sign now stood before me. I glanced around, noticing the place looked a lot worse than it did years ago. I was still fathoming how long it'd been since I'd been here. I wasn't quite sure what happened.

I walked in and up to the desk, where I used to ring up the Puckett's, but then I remembered I was a Puckett, so I just headed up the stairs, hearing familiar creaks. Sam was in room 1F, I remembered.

I contemplated what I was going to say to her parents once I arrived. I hadn't spoken to them in a while, and Sam didn't talk about them much either, unless you counted some random comments about how eccentric her mom was. I was hoping I would walk in and things would just fall into place. After all, this _was_ Sam's home. If I needed to pass as Sam, I'd have to be comfortable here.

"Uh…mom!" I shouted, knocking on the door. "Mom, I'm home." Nothing. "Mom?" Still nothing. This was unusual. Maybe she was out. I turned the knob on the door and opened it.

"If that's the pizza, leave it on the counter, the money's there!" I heard a familiar yet incredibly unfamiliar voice shout. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Mrs. Puckett lying on the couch watching some infomercial. The last time I was over here, she was so clean-cut, so sweet, and so nice to me and adored Sam with all her heart.

"M-mom, it's me." I managed to get out, confused beyond belief.

"Oh, you're home from that school trip early, hon." She said casually. "Hey, could you make me some pesto? I've been craving it for weeks." _What? What trip? Sam didn't go on a trip…_

"Pesto?" I raised an eyebrow, even more confusion washing over me. "And what trip?"

"That trip you told me about." She yawns and changes the channel to _Bill of the Past_, and then _Purple Anatomy_. "You know, the six month-long trip to Bermuda…" _Okay, now that is ridiculous. Sam was going on a half-year trip to Bermuda, and she's not even taking or telling Carly and I about – Wait. __**Wait.**_

"What day did I leave?" I asked Sam's mom, my heart pounding. I had a feeling I was about to know something I really wasn't supposed to know, even if I was in Sam's body.

"Oh, about a month ago. Can you hurry up on that Pesto? Thanks, sweetie!"

Suddenly, I felt sick, and millions of thoughts entered into my head at once. I couldn't take it. Everything had to be organized, and I didn't have enough time to organize it.

"I-I'll make the pasta later…" I heard myself mumble, and I raced upstairs to Sam's room, which, I also remembered the location of.

Everything was a blur from Sam's running speed that I'd acquired through this switched up mess. I collapsed onto what I assumed was Sam's bed, but it smelled new, like it was hardly ever used. I was never more thankful for how fast Sam could run, because just then I knew exactly why Sam didn't want me to come here, and exactly why she didn't tell me why in the first place.

Sam didn't go home. Ever. I mean, why else would she lie and tell her mom she was in Bermuda?! And – god, I was so stupid! – she slept over at Carly's almost every night, and – oh my god, I was so, so stupid! – no wonder we filmed a 'Wake Up Spencer' segment so often this month! I sat up, my head hurting, and I looked around her room. It was blank, empty. No pictures, paintings, rugs, curtains. No stuffed animals flooding her floor like all those days when we were little. I quickly stood up, feeling like I was walking in someone's discarded diary, and walked over to her dresser, which was, like everything else in the room (except, for some reason, for the bed), white, blank, and, I soon figured out, empty. All her clothes weren't in there. _Nothing_ was in any of her drawers. And it hit me.

Sam ran away.

And Mrs. Puckett didn't even _know_. In fact, she didn't see Sam for a whole month, and when she got back, she asked her to make pesto! _Pesto_.

But why? Why didn't she want to stay here? My mind was spinning still, and it felt so surreal. I'd just stripped off her surface in a matter of seconds, and I didn't know what to do. I was only thirteen! I was in way, way, _way_ over my head here! Not to mention the fact that I was _supposed_ to handle it as Sam would. _How was she even pulling this off? How did she deal with teachers calling her mom (that probably happened a few times, considering Sam's record)? How did she get food everyday?_

_Where did she go when she wasn't at Carly's for the night? _The last thought sent a jolt of fear through me that I didn't quite understand. She was, after all, Sam. Sam who mocked me everyday. Sam who gave me wedgies as a greeting.

There was a mirror above her dresser, and I stared into it. A scared Sam stared right back at me. I stepped away, startled. Even though I knew it was only my expression forced onto Sam's face, I knew I had to do something. She was Sam, but she was my friend. Maybe this was supposed to happen, Sam and I switching, so I could help her.

I needed to talk to her; to know what and when everything switched like this.

Aw man, I was so going to be injured tomorrow.

* * *

I spent the entire afternoon in Sam's unused room, doing her homework, eating the remnants of whatever food was in her backpack (seriously, who carried around a bag of bacon in their school bag?), and I used the bathroom once (it was kind of awkward, but at least I was by myself. And I didn't look down. Phew, I wasn't a pervert). I slept in Sam's hardly-used-lately bed, woke up the next morning, changed into some spare clothes in Sam's backpack (also awkward, but I didn't look. I invaded Sam's privacy enough as it was!), found some hygienic stuff in the Puckett's bathroom, and walked to Carly's, as Sam always did. It made me shudder, thinking about all of Sam's routines and knowing the motives behind them. Carly greeted me as normal, and Spencer greeted me like he was a superhero, and he drove Carly and I to school. Sam didn't come over to Carly's. Carly didn't notice or care, because as far as she knew, Sam was right by her side, and not currently existing as Freddie.

I wondered if Carly knew about Sam's situation, I guessed not. Carly was a great friend, and that could have been exactly why. It could be that Sam knew that Carly would do something about it. But these were all guesses. I needed answers. Preferably, ones from the abrasive soul inside my body.

The only class Sam and I had together was English with Briggs, the period before lunch. Before then, I didn't see her at all. My guess was she was either avoiding me or too busy gracefully deflating my high grade point average. Or both. Yeah, both.

Periods one to three flew by, and before I knew it, I was entering Miss Briggs' classroom and taking Sam's usual seat behind me and next to Carly. Sam ignores me, while Carly chats rapidly about how cute it was when Jake tripped on a piece of cantaloupe in her cooking class. I'd keep that in mind to win her over once I was me again…_if_ I was ever me again.

The classroom's chatter was soon interrupted by Principal Franklin rushing in and closing the door behind him. "Students, may I have your attention, please! Everyone, listen, just for a moment!" Eventually, everyone was quiet. "I have some unfortunate news. Yesterday afternoon, Miss Briggs was walking in the area when a hammer fell out of nowhere and slammed into her foot." I turned to Carly and gaped, trying to hold in my laughter. She was pretty much doing the same. Sam was still. "Moments later, a flaming wrench hit her car, setting it on fire. Because of these unfortunate happenings –"

"Yeah, _un_fortunate." Sad said sarcastically in front of me.

"Sam –_Freddie_." The principal said sternly, then quickly corrected himself. "Sorry, force of habit." He cleared his throat. "As I was saying, due to these events, Miss Briggs was unable to attend school today, as she needed foot surgery to make car repairs. So, there will be no fourth period for this class today. Now, I understand you're probably disappoint –" The rest of his sentence was drowned out by all of us cheering and whooping. Eventually he gave up and left. Everyone packed up and proceeded to exit. Sam was, of course, the first out, so I had to practically shove Gibby over in order to get out the door before Sam disappeared from view.

"Uh…Freddie! Freddie!" I shouted, stepping on Shannon's foot. She let out a huge 'ow', but I ran forward. Sam didn't bother avoiding me. She just kept walking, and I was faster than her.

"Sam," I said quietly, when I knew no one was listening. "Look, I –"

"Don't say a word." She said coldly, slinging my backpack over her right shoulder and wouldn't look behind at me.

"Can't you just - ?"

"Don't say anything, dork!" she said, more sharply this time. "You don't know anything, just stop."

"I know enough to know that you need h –"

"Okay, look." She turned around, causing me to almost bump into her. I'd just expected her to keep walking. But as I learned over and over, you needed to expect nothing but the unexpected with Sam, especially an angry Sam. "I don't need any help, especially from a dork like you. I'm doing just fine. Okay?" She turned back around to leave.

"Why did you lie to your mom?" I pressed, stopping her.

She clenched my (her, I guess?) fists, looking like she was going to pounce on me. Would she really fight herself? "Did you not just hear - ?"

"Why does your mom talk to you like you're a maid?"

"Shutup."

"Why don't you live at your house? Where do you li –" Sam turned around and shoved me backwards. Hard. I fell onto the floor with a thud.

"It's none of your business." She said, anger and probably something else in her eyes. You know what? That made me angry. All I was –

"Freddie, did you knock Sam down?" Carly approached us quickly, gaping.

"No." she said in a huffy, Sam-like way. It looked out of place on me. "She tripped. I'm going to the library." She turned and walked. Carly helped me up.

"I know you're excited about lunch, but safety comes first." She joked.

"Yeah, yeah." I brushed it right off and glanced down the hallway.

Even as Freddie Benson, she was really good at running away.

I spent the free period listening to Carly chat about Jake and how great he was and do-you-think-he-likes-me and I-have-this-great-iCarly-idea, yada yada. As much as I loved listening to Carly speak, that little, annoying voice in my head (that, if it was a person, would be my mom) kept bringing the thought subject back to Sam and her lack of a stable home. I wasn't up to feeling sorry for someone that just shoved me to the ground with great force, so my better judgment half-lost, and my desire to help manifested itself into anger.

Lunch came around, and I was, no surprise, starved. But as I approached the line, I realized that I had no money…oh my god, was that why Sam always borrowed money from me? An unsettling feeling formed in the pit of my stomach, and I wasn't so hungry anymore. I told Carly this (the not-hungry part, not the unsettling feeling part), and she shrugged, finding a place on line. Moments later, I spotted Sam heading into the cafeteria, Jeremy chatting and sneezing by her side. She didn't look interested in what he was saying. In fact, she looked disgusted, but Jeremy didn't seem to notice. I watched in slight amusement as Jeremy sat down next to Sam at a table near the front, and she ducked under the table as he let out a huge sneeze. When she didn't come back up, my assumption was that she'd made her escape.

It was confirmed that I was correct when a brunette head emerged at a table a few down. As I watched this scene take place, I considered my options for getting through to Sam. From even this encounter, it was perfectly clear that Sam didn't believe in reason; she preferred other tactics in which you merely wormed your way into victory. Aggression, avoidance, escape, blackmail, cheating…_manipulating_.

That was it. Though it was completely against all I believed in, I would have to manipulate Sam into discussing her home life with me. But how?

"Sam!" Carly called. I continued to think. "Sam!" _Oh yeah, oops._

"Yeah?!" I called across the cafeteria. Carly was about halfway through the line.

"The specialty is chili, want me to buy it for you?!"

"No thanks!"

"But you never turn down free cold meat!" she joked.

"Okay, get it!"

"Gettin' it!" Perhaps Carly _was_ aware of Sam's situation. I wasn't sure.

Anyway, I approached Sam slowly, carefully taking a seat across from her.

"Sam –"

"No."

"But – "

"No."

"If you would just – "

She now looked up, glaring. "I said _no_, dorkface." A couple people turned and stared, wondering why 'Freddie' was insulting 'Sam' and 'Sam' wasn't rearranging his face. I waited for them to go back to their own conversations until I tried again.

"Does Carly know?" I asked quietly.

"Are you just looking to make-out with the floor again, dude?" she shot back. "I don't need any help. Leave."

_**Leave**__. I would if I could, Sam, but unfortunately we're stuck with each other until Spencer fixes his machine. And even more, I need you. More than I'm even sure of. I don't know why, but I do._

I wanted to say that. And I would've, too, if I wasn't too busy being angry. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have said: "You know what?! All I want to do is help you! Is that so wrong?!"

And she wouldn't have scoffed and told me I was a loser.

And I wouldn't have lost all control. I wouldn't have leaned in really close and threatened to embarrass her if she didn't let me help. She wouldn't have smirked and said that she'd like to see me try. That there was nothing, _nothing_, that would ever embarrass her, that having my brain in her body was worse enough.

And if all that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have suddenly learned the one thing on the planet that would most embarrass Sam. I wouldn't have smirked. I wouldn't have told her 'what if I did this.'

"You wouldn't!" she wouldn't have hissed, narrowing her eyes. "You don't have the nerve!"

"I hacked a professional website! I've got nothing _but_ nerve!"

"Then stop getting on mine!"

"All I've got to do," I would not have said. "Is stand up and scream _I love Freddie Benson, the dork!!_"

But it happened. It did. And the second I screamed that statement to her, I realized just how loud we were talking because everyone was staring, open-mouthed.

Carly was holding two plates of chili. _Was_. Because a moment later, she dropped the chili in shock.

I just told the whole school that Sam loved me. Like, _actually_.

I was soon going to be as alive as the chili sprawled out on the floor; _not_.

_Great plan, Freddie. Great plan._

* * *

**A/N: Yikes. So Freddie finally found a way to get revenge on Sam. Unfortunately, it was completely uncalled for and right in the middle of something it should not have been in the middle of. Freddie kind of acted like an idiot, but it was only because he cares about Sam and wants to know about what's going on with her mom and home. He went about it the wrong way, obviously. Yikes (again). **

**Ha, don't you love how Miss Briggs was the victim of Spencer's window breaking shenanigans? Lol.**

**Stay tuned for the next chapter!**

**AH! ICARLY SEASON TWO STARTS TONIGHT! HURRAY!:)**

**Also, if you're looking for some quality Seddie stories and can't quite find any, here are some authors I highly recommend that I truly don't feel have enough reviews for their great work: Nature9000, drano, ashleynbf94. So check out their stories because they're AMAZING!**

**-Colors**


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary: **One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.

**Disclaimer: **Oh darn, you caught me, I'm secretly Dan Schneider! No, kidding, just plain, old Colors, owner of nothing iCarly.

**iSwitch**

**Chapter 5**

Let's backtrack for a moment, shall we?

Yeah, we shall.

Freddie Benson just totally humiliated me in front of the entire lunchroom. He told everyone I _loved_ a _dork_. No - not _a_ dork. _The_ dork. The biggest dork of all time!

And I tortured Fredward on a daily basis for no reason. Now, I _had_ a reason, so you could only imagine the revenge plans I had in store –

Before I could lunge at him (during these kinda things, you tend to forgot you're in someone else's body. Especially me. My rep was at stake here!), Carly spoke.

"I knew you'd come around." She smiled proudly.

"But…but…" I watched, my anger increasing, as Freddie tried to undo his error – but seriously though, did he not realize how loud he'd been speaking? Penguins up in Antarctica were probably plugging their, well, did they even have ears? Oh, right, back to despising the dork. "I was just kidding! Uh…just kidding, everyone!" But it was no use; everyone was buzzing with the latest gossip. About me. About me…and _Freddie_.

I breathed in deeply, trying to control my anger.

"Good luck with that, Puckett!" I heard a painfully familiar voice scream. It shot a wave of different emotions I hated feeling right through me, and suddenly the anger was gone. I felt upset. I felt like sinking into the ground and ending up in China. Or somewhere. Anywhere but here.

And anyway, only one person was allowed to call me Puckett. Well, at least he _used_ to be, but given the circumstances, I believed that era was kaput.

I felt weak. That feeling wasn't supposed to ever come back, okay? And it did.

Freddie was motionless, unsure what was supposed to be done.

I would've run if I wasn't supposed to be him.

But no, I _was_ Freddie. And I was going to defend myself, because I knew the real Freddie wouldn't.

Jonah's friends all knuckle-touched him after he sent that comment in 'Sam's' direction. I stood up, pushing my chair in slightly too hard, and stomped toward Jo-_ugly_.

"I don't know what happened just then," I hissed at him. "But you better shut your trap before she does it for you!"

"Then why isn't she telling me this?" Jonah smirked. "Eh, _Fredward_?" What was he, from Canada or something?!

"Because she doesn't want her eyes to bleed from your pure ugly." I shot back. "Just back off, nub!" Then I turned, feeling stupid for that last one – it wasn't all that clever.

"You." I hissed, so low that no one could hear but Freddie. He looked scared, which was creepy, because I'd never seen myself scared before. Felt was a whole other story. "You're just lucky I like my face."

And then I left. Hopefully Spencer was done with the yogurt machine so I could forget any of this happened.

* * *

"Mom, no, I'm _fine_!" I screamed at Mrs. Benson, trying to convince her that, no, I didn't have a rare Slovenian disease, and no, I was not going to randomly combust if I didn't drink a sip of water every three minutes and thirty four seconds exactly.

I always wondered why Freddie oh so stupidly never, ever faked sick to miss school. And now I finally understood. Mrs. Benson was a maniac nurse. They should've had her as a Halloween costume.

"Are you sure?!" she was leaning over me like I was dying, feeling my forehead over and over again. I had a high temperature, but hello?! Had no one heard of the old flashlight trick but me?! "I could have Lewbert bring up some extra pillows –" I visibly cringed, picturing my (Freddie's, ugh, this was annoying to clarify) head…in…._blech_…_contac_t…with one of Lewbert's pillows. "Or, if you need sturdier ice, my therapist recommended this place in Taiwan that –"

"I just want to sleep!" I snapped, but instantly regretted it because of how hurt she looked. I shouldn't have been taking my anger out on Freddie's mom. I tried to calm myself down. "But thank you, mom."

"You're very welcome, dear." She smiled, and finally left me alone.

Despite the fact that Fredward's mom was slightly on the loony side, I would've picked being here over staying at school any day, week, month or year.

I could just picture it now…bystanding my own embarrassment. Part of me felt like it'd be worse than actually being part of it.

This just proved my point; Freddie Benson ruined everything. Just when I was finally free of my mom for a while, he just had to stomp through and try to take control. That was _my_ job. _He_ belonged at a desk, playing nerdy video games and staring at pictures of Carly.

And then, when I clearly told him to just butt out, did he listen?!

Nope. He butted his geeky little butt right in, and now look what happened.

I would no longer be known by my tough rep. but as the blonde who loved a dork. Please. Like I would ever love a kid who used a night light.

I groaned at the thought. Maybe I was sick after all. Sick of being in this stupid body, with no way to defend myself. Sick of having reasons to need to defend myself.

I had a mental struggle, trying to figure out whether I should go pee (trust me, it's awkward enough that I've been avoiding it thus far) or sleep. Or do homework.

Ha. Do homework. Ha!

I voted sleep. And it was a unanimous decision.

Sometime during the night, when I was half-conscious and shivering, I felt a second blanket fall over me. It was Freddie's mom, checking on her son.

It felt nice to be loved, even if it was while I was someone else.

* * *

When I was woken up, it was by Carly, who Freddie's mom had so annoyingly sent to wake me up. It was Saturday, an iCarly rehearsal day. And apparent not a sick day.

"Five more minutes…" I moaned, pulling Freddie's covers over my head.

"No." she said sternly. It reminded me of Mrs. Benson, for some reason. "I'm not letting you fake-sick to avoid Sam for any longer! And anyway, we need our techy!" This woke me up. I stared. "That's right. I see right through your little façade."

"Congrats." I rolled me eyes. She gave me a weird look.

"Oh, just get up." She sighed, and then smirked. "You know, your mom gave me permission to use the bucket."

I didn't know what exactly "the bucket" was, but something told me that it wasn't fun, so I grudgingly got up. Carly told me she and "Sam" were going to be in the studio. Once she left, I peed and showered with my eyes closed tight. I ended up knocking over a bunch of shampoo and hitting myself in the head with the soap bar, but it was worth it to keep my mind free of nude nerds. Already had that "just socks" visual…I'd rather not go back there.

Eventually, after changing into Freddie's geek clothes, I went over to Carly's. Freddie was there, keeping up the act by eating ham on _my_ blue beanbag chair. He was doing it way too carefully though, like eating meat was some sort of homework. For some reason, this made me kind of angry, and I narrowed my eyes.

Carly, meanwhile, was at Freddie's laptop, probably looking at videos.

"Hey Freddie." She smiled at me briefly, and then looked back down at the monitor. "So Sam, what do you want to practice first?! The cranky, old lady bit or the Miss Briggs impression?"

"Whichever." Freddie mumbled, not looking up from the ham that was rightfully mine.

"Aren't they the same thing?" I wondered out loud.

"We should combine them!" Carly suggested brightly. She thought for a second. "Hang on; I forgot to take the Brigg wig out of the fridge…" she frowned. "No fighting, got it?" She headed out the door.

"I'll come with you!" I told her quickly, not wanting to be the only one currently breathing the same air as Freddie. I was halfway to the door when –

"Wait." I stopped, groaning internally. I wanted to leave, but my feet wouldn't move. It was like Freddie speaking glued my shoes to the floor. And it scared me, I'll admit that much, because it wasn't even _Freddie's_ voice that stopped me. So was it just _him_, on his own? That would make no sense whatsoever!

Anyway, I waited, silent, my back still turned, until he spoke again.

"I won't pry anymore…" he told me softly, trailing off.

"Good." What else was I supposed to say?

"But I just want to know if you're okay, and like, if you need any help –"

I whirled around at that statement. He was now standing up, the plate of ham on the ground. "I think you've done enough." It was cold, but I was used to being cold, so whatever.

He stared for a second and then looked away. "Fine." _Fine. _That was the word you used when it was everything _but_. "Spencer fixed the Yogurtinator." I followed his gaze to the corner of the studio. I hadn't even seen it before, but sure enough, the dang machine was back to its abnormal self.

"Oh." Again, what else was I supposed to say?

"So if you wanted to switch back –"

"Of course I want to switch back!" I practically yelled. It came out a little bit angrier than I'd expected.

"Fine, then we will!" he said, looking kind of afraid. He walked over to the machine, and I followed him. "Here." He handed me a helmet, and I grimaced slightly while putting it on, remembering that it kind of burst into flames while it was on my head. Freddie put on his, and switched the power on the machine. "Ok, think about your favorite –"

"I know, I know!" Everything felt so off balance. It was too much. Hopefully this would fix it all. _Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate…_

I closed my eyes and heard the machine whir and hiss. It was bumping around now.

I kept my eyes closed, focusing on nothing but chocolate frozen yogurt. I suddenly felt myself…drifting, maybe? Changing?

The whirring came to an abrupt halt, after a final ding. I opened my eyes. I was on the other side of the machine. I quickly glanced at my reflection in the Yogurtinator and was super relieved that it was _me_ staring back!

I was me again!

I grabbed the chocolate frozen yogurt that had emerged from the machine, and took off my helmet. Freddie did the same.

"Thank the ham that's over with." I mumbled. I looked over at him. "Congrats, you're a dork again." I waited for a reaction.

He said nothing, and realization dawned on me.

I was back to being me, but it didn't change anything. It didn't take us back in time, it didn't cause memory loss, it didn't erase anything.

All my problems were still there, but the worst part was I had no choice but to shoulder them now. They were back within view.

This really bugged me.

"I…think this ice cream is…uh, rotten." I said to Freddie. That lie sucked eggs, I know. "I don't feel so good. Tell Carly I went home sick, will ya?"

His face – it really was his face now – melted from blank into an awkward concern. "Where are you _really_ going?"

Was it completely insane that I didn't know?

Sometimes it was an airport. Sometimes it was camping outside. Sometimes it was sleeping in my building hallway. Anything to push away the hurt, which somehow ended up manifesting into the form of my mom.

She represented all my worries, and all I lost, and, even worse, all I would ever be. So I took a break from facing that. Was that so wrong?

"You know…" I tried to keep my game face on. If I faltered, he might've done something crazy like invite me to sleep in _his _apartment. Noooo thank you. I was pretty sure I'd done that enough the last two days. Was that all really two days? It seemed longer. A ton longer. "Around."

Pause.

"Just be careful, okay?"

I turned and pranced out of the studio, formulating a plan to sneak by Carly, where I would go, and how to forget this mess ever happened. It was a lot to juggle, but not enough for me to forget my infamous parting words.

"No promises."

* * *

**A/N: The End!**

**Ha, just kidding. C'mon guys, you've got to know me well enough to know this isn't quite over yet. I've got some tricks up my sleeve. :) Sorry it took so long to update. Life is hectic.**

**But OMG! I watched iGo To Japan On Demand a few days ago. I'm not going to give anything away, as it hasn't officially aired, but definitely watch it if you have the time. I think it's my fave episode thus far!**

**Which do you guys want updated next, iSwitch or We Always Argue? They'll both be updated and, of course, finished in time, but I wanted your opinion.**

**Also, I got a PM asking about my penname, and where it came from. I thought I'd share with you guys. Does anyone know the song "What About Now" by Daughtry? I love the lyrics to it a lot. And there's this one part that goes: "Change the colors of the sky, and open up to, the ways you made me feel alive, the ways I loved you." And my author mind got all jazzed up picturing what it would be like to be able to just change and mess around with colors in the sky. Lol.**

**Oh, and wow. They changed the site a ton. It feels so unfamiliar! Lol**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-Colors**


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary: **One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.

**Disclaimer: **Oh darn, you caught me, I'm secretly Dan Schneider! No, kidding, just plain, old Colors, owner of nothing iCarly.

**iSwitch**

**Chapter 6**

I wasn't supposed to feel like doing this.

What was I _supposed_ to feel like doing? Sleeping. Why? Because it was _two o'clock in the morning_. And just because it was noon in Turkey didn't mean it had to feel that way here. Like I had to feel so alert…so worried.

And worried about what? Someone who constantly mocked me and/or beat me with random objects? Someone who angered me on a daily basis? Someone who left me with no many questions all the time?

I was on my back, I my bed, my left hand outstretched, holding my cell phone. It was way too silent as I pondered whether or not this was a good idea.

Sam's number was open on my phone. All I had to do was click call. Just one button. Then I would be able to stop worrying. It was slightly scary to feel so protective of her. Of _Sam_.

My thumb was being cowardly. It wouldn't cooperate.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't pile all the blame on my thumb, since I was, after all, controlling it. _I _was the coward.

I knew Sam would probably kill me if she was sleeping and my call woke her up. It was completely inevitable.

But I guess my mom's crazy paranoia passed onto me in some form, because, in the place of dreaming, I was still up, picturing all of these ridiculously improbable scenarios.

Like, _what if Sam gets run over? What if Sam gets mobbed by Ms. Briggs clones? What if lightning strikes her and turns her into a lightning villain? What if she's sleeping on the streets and some random psycho hobo –_

The thought of a random psycho hobo did it. I pressed send and quickly pressed my cell phone to my ear, my heart beating for unknown reasons.

Two rings flew by. Three. Four. Five – _wasn't it only supposed to ring four times?!_ – Six –

"_**What**__, Fredward?!_" I jumped slightly at the harshness in her voice, but it didn't surprise me at all. I was mostly surprised that she actually picked up.

"I just…" I searched my brain for my reason, suddenly realizing that it was a stupid one. Sam wasn't going to get run over. Ms. Briggs didn't have clones. And anyway, she could _flip_ people. She would be fine. But why was I still worried? "Look, I know I said I wouldn't prod, but – "

"_Oh, here we go_." She said, annoyed. "_Look, I was sleeping. __**Sleeping**__. What is it that you need to ask? And it better be good._"

"I need to know where you are." I said awkwardly, realizing a moment too late how awkward that sounded. "I'm – okay, I know I'm gonna get a wedgie for this, but…I'm worried about you."

There was silence on the other end, and I spoke her name in a questioned tone. Had she hung up?

"I'm at Carly's." she mumbled softly. "I decided to come back here."

"Really?"

"Really."

"You sure?"

There was a pause.

"Why do you care?" I didn't give her an answer because I didn't have one.

"Just because." I replied lamely. "See you tomorrow."

Another pause. "Whatever." _Click_.

A scary relief washed over me. Sam was okay, so now I was okay. How did that even work?! How was that possible?

I shoved a pillow over my head and let myself sleep.

* * *

I didn't just _think_ the Monday at school was going to be horrible. I _knew_.

And I was right.

The moment I stepped into Ridgeway, everyone turned and stared, like in the movies. Everyone hushed each other, and whispered _there he is_, and wondered where Sam was. Some people pointed.

She was at her locker, looking somewhere between furious and embarrassed. It was kind of hard to tell.

I stood there for a moment, wondering if it was the best idea to go talk to her, but since everyone around me was whispering that I should, I did the opposite. I wasn't in much of a mood to embarrass Sam further. Not today. Not after everything. So I turned in the opposite direction, heading towards my locker.

"Hey Benson!" Brett, a nub from my homeroom, shouted. "Your girlfriend's over there!" He pointed mockingly at Sam, who completely ignored the comment. But I could tell she'd heard it by her slightly more powerful than usual locker slam. A couple people snickered around us.

"She's not my girlfriend, Brett." I stated in an annoyed, get-out-of-my-face tone. A tone that he pointedly ignored.

"Whoa, so you rejected her?!" Brett's doof of a friend Marc asked. They both mocked shock and then laughed again.

I immediately realized the flaw in my cold-shoulder comeback. "N-no, I didn't! I meant – !"

"Hey everybody!" Brett hollered. "Sam got rejected by a tech geek!" The hall filled with gossip and mocking words. Sam breezed by me as fast as possible.

_Ugh. _This was getting ridiculous.

"Look, Sam doesn't like me, and I don't like her." I said to Brett, louder and angrier than I'd planned. "It's one _huge_ misunderstanding!"

"Were you not listening at lunch yesterday?" Marc shot back.

"She was just trying to embarrass me!" Well, it was half-true.

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really!"

"Well, I don't think I believe you!"

"Well, you should!"

With every shout, Brett and I drew closer together. Even through my manliness (yeah, it _existed_, okay?), I was still scared. I hated violence. _Were we going to fight?_ It made me cringe just thinking about it.

Brett was a good friend of Jonah's; not the best dude to pick a fight with if you liked your face the way it was.

I braced myself.

But out of nowhere, Carly stepped between us. "Come on, Freddie, let's go to class."

I stared at her. Brett looked shocked, too. Girls, especially Carly, rarely ever had the guts to fall within a soon-to-be fight.

"Carly – " I began to argue. I didn't want her to have any part in this.

"Do you _want_ to land yourself in the hospital?" she whispered to me abruptly. That would be a no.

I sighed and followed her as she walked away, ignoring whatever comments were circulating.

Well, this was great. I had to have a girl come save me from a fight. I wasn't, you know, sexist or anything, but it was kind of embarrassing. I was supposed to be able to hold my own.

When we entered a hallway close to our first period class, Biology, she turned around and faced me.

"_What. Did. You. Do_?" She threw the words out one by one, emphasizing each powerfully. She looked somewhere between angry and confused.

Her question repeated itself in my mind. _What __**did**__ I do?_ I didn't know what I did. Well, I guess I knew what I did, but I had no idea what she was talking about. I did a lot of things that could and would get Carly Shay angry with me.

"Mind being more specific?"

"Sure." She took a deep breath, and I noticed that she was trying to calm down. "Freddie, explain to me why Sam showed up at my apartment building, at midnight, soaking wet from the rain, mumbling something about Freddie, and confusion, and…yogurt!"

I knew. "How would _I_ know?"

"Are you joking?" She looked dumbfounded. "Let's backtrack. Sam admits she loves you to the whole school, then you leave school to avoid her, and then I finally get you two alone to work things out, and what do you do?! Ya send her away!" She then slapped me in the head. Hard. I yelped a pathetic 'ow,' and rubbed my head. "What is wrong with your boy brain?!"

My head was throbbing with the truth. Carly was a sharp girl. And it didn't take her long to see things. I underestimated her. If she wasn't so level-grounded, but might've been able to put her new found facts together with what we'd told her a few days ago; that Sam and I really had switched places.

"But Carly – "

"I don't know how much you know, but Sam's been having some – " She stopped. "Look, the point is, why do you have to be so awful to her?"

That really struck a chord, because, really, who was Carly talking about here?! Sam was awful to me on a daily basis. She probably insulted me more than she breathed (At least she used to. Now that I thought about it, I hadn't heard a single insulting phrase come from her since 'her' declaration of dork love)!

And anyway, I wasn't being awful. Sam was the one who had went home after I, as her, made that announcement.

On the other hand, I didn't exactly try to stop her. Or defend her. Or…yeah.

But when did that become _my_ job?

"Me awful to _her_?" I asked Carly, dumbfounded, "If I had a dollar for every time Sam called me a dork, threw food at me, or pushed me over, I would…" _Would what?_ "Be really, really rich!" _Clever, Freddie, clever_.

"So what?" Carly sighed. "Right now, I'm talking about the fact that Sam screamed her feelings out to the world and you're being a total jerk by ignoring her!"

"But Sam…" I thought for a second, trying not to panic, and instead trying to come up with a perfectly valid way to explain that that wasn't actually Sam. Nothing came to mind but the truth, which she'd disregarded by laughing a few days ago. "Sam doesn't _actually_ like me!"

The next thing Carly did confused me. She stared for a moment, turned…and banged her head against the locker in frustration. Yeah, I didn't understand. Was I really being that frustrating?

"You're so frustrating!" she cried out when she was done with her head-slamming antics. Okay, so I was. "Of course she likes you! Weren't you listening yesterday?!"

I was about to protest, to tell Carly, like I had and would tell everyone else, that Sam was only trying to embarrass me, and that it was all one big, awful, misunderstanding, when my brain outputted a…slightly scary question. _What if…?_

"C-Carly?" I didn't mean to make my voice sound so nervous. It did it all by itself. Stupid justified wavering. "Did – did Sam…_tell_ you she liked me? Like…before yesterday?"

"Yeah, I've known for months…" She stared again, trying to read my now shell-shocked expression.

Sam Puckett liked me.

What?!

And I – but she – and I said – and she was –

Thoughts were coming a mile a minute, and it drove me crazy. I needed to sort this out, to make them orderly. I needed…I didn't know what I needed!

"I need to go to class." I told Carly in a hurry. I turned to leave, but she grabbed my arm.

"Hey, wait." I waited, because she was Carly, and I knew I should. "Are you okay?" Not completely. "Wait, let me rephrase. I know there's something up. Something's been up all week. Do you need to talk about Sam? Or anything?"

I appreciated her concern. Really, I did. I mean, I loved her, after all. But I…man, my head hurt. "I'm okay. Just gonna…think a little." She nodded and let me go.

"Should I tell Ms. Smith you're at the nurse?" Normally I would visibly cringe at the thought of missing class, but I wasn't feeling very normal. I smiled a bit.

"Yes, please."

"Stomach ache or nose bleed?"

"Stomach ache." It was sort of the truth.

"'Kay." She patted my shoulder twice. "See ya."

"See ya." And she disappeared around the corner and into class.

I was alone, and the thoughts reappeared as I leaned against a random locker.

And didn't make sense.

Okay, I could handle this. I _would_ handle this. I would just tackle this like a puzzle. I just needed to fit everything together and…it would all become unscrambled.

Let's list what I knew.

Sam and I switched bodies about five days ago.

Sam was avoiding her home, for whatever reason.

I told the entire school that Sam liked me, while I was Sam.

Sam told Carly that she liked me. Like, like liked me. As more than a friend, or dork, or tech weenie, or whatever I was to her.

So all the ridicule she was getting…her secret was actually revealed. By me.

I let out a frustrated yell that sounded kind of like I was in pain, ran my hands through my hair and dropped to the ground.

And it was weird, because the main reason I was so frazzled was because I kind of ruined Sam's life. Kids like Jonah and Brett and Marc lived for other kids' weaknesses, especially kids like Sam, who never showed weakness.

I wasn't, on the other hand, feeling surprised about Sam liking me. I knew I should've felt surprised; I mean, we were talking about the girl that came over to my apartment just to give me wedgies. But, that was sort of my reason to not be surprised, too. _Why_ did she pick my lock just to give me wedgies? _Why_ did she seem to go out of her way to make me miserable? _Why _did she always look so annoyed when I made a move on Carly? _Why_ did she hate the fact that everyone knew I liked her?

Because it was true. She did like me.

But how did I feel about that? Did I –

"Freddie! Hi!" I looked up from my mind's slow but steady meltdown to see the face of my stalker, Shannon. She had a huge smile on her face that gave me a real headache. I didn't want to be rude, so I made a pathetic but acceptable attempt at being civil.

"Oh, hi Shannon." I stood up, my head pounding from…well, all of this. "Why aren't you in class?"

"Well, I was in Biology – you know I'm in your class, right? – and I heard you were sick so I offered to go check on you." She was still all smiley and happy. "Why were you on the floor a minute ago?"

"No reason." Except everything.

"Oh. Anyway, so I was thinking…" I drowned out her voice when I saw Sam walking down the hall, skipping class no doubt. It sent a wave of nerves through me, now that I withheld this reality-altering information.

She liked me. This girl walking down the halls wanted to _date _me. To date _me._ It was a pretty strange thought.

Sam noticed me and Shannon right away and rolled her eyes. At this, I realized Shannon was still talking to me and nodded, mumbling some words I could get away with.

Sam opened a locker across the hall from me, one that I somehow recognized as her snack storage locker. Probably because I was right there when she stole it from a sixth grader last year. I watched as she took out – jerky, I think? – wondering what I was going to do about all of this.

I was still nodding at Shannon's words, and it didn't even faze me when silence ensued. Shannon had stopped talking, apparently. And then she screamed.

"Oh my god! You will?! That's great! That's awesome!" she jumped up and down and then hugged me, scurrying away. She screamed. "I'll see you at seven on Friday!" over her shoulder.

What just happened?!

Sam seemed to read my confused expression and walked over to me, smirking in an amused way, jerky in her hand. It was weird, seeing her now, because I knew much more than I was supposed to. It was like spying. I felt dirty.

But all that washed away as soon as she spoke. "You just agreed to a _date_ with her, doofus." She was mocking me. I spent all night worrying my brains off about her, and she was mocking me.

Wait!

"I agreed to do _what_?!" My shock was evident.

"Date the psycho." She joked. "You guys'll make a great pair."

"But I wasn't even paying attention!" I moaned, slapping my head. This was horrible. Me and my stupid Sam-induced lack of attention span.

"Aw, too bad."

"Shut up, Sam!" I knew it was mean, but she really wasn't being helpful! This was no laughing matter!

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Shut your _face_, Fredward!"

"Why do you always kick me when I'm down?!"

"I'll be happy to kick you when you're up next time!"

"You know what? – "

"What?! You're a dork? Yeah, I know!"

"You are just so - !" The argument ensued and grew. We just went on bickering about the most random things.

We didn't notice the white fog engulfing the hallway. We didn't notice whatever float-like feeling we might've had.

And by the time I did notice, by the time we both noticed, the arguing stopped.

Because I was staring at my own, shocked face. And Sam was most likely staring at hers.

Aw, man…not again.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this took so long, guys! I was having trouble getting the words out, Anyway, you don't wanna hear my babbling, so I'll stop.**

**Next update will be for We Always Argue!**

**Til then,**

**-Colors**


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary: **One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.

**Disclaimer: **Oh darn, you caught me, I'm secretly Dan Schneider! No, kidding, just plain, old Colors, owner of nothing iCarly.

**iSwitch**

**Chapter 7**

Oh, come on! What in ham's name did I ever do to deserve this?!

So I gave a few wedgies…and egged some cars…and narrowly avoided arrest…a couple times in my life. I was still pretty sure this was going too far.

It was only a matter of time before he knew. Before he had the ability to crush me and would most likely use it. And now, to make matters worse, we were stuck as each other again!

I wish I just kept my mouth shut last year. I wish I didn't tell Carly anything. After Freddie dated Valerie, this came out of nowhere, like a baseball in the gut. And I couldn't hold in what I was feeling, not to Carly. So I told her. And, somehow, when you said your feelings out loud, to open air, it made them real. You knew it was really happening. And you knew that things would never be the same again. And you knew that your clever insults weren't going to be for fun anymore; they'd be something to hide behind.

Out of all the dorks in the world, it had to be _him_. And any day now, everything was going to end because of it. He was bound to find out that my secret was maybe…ugh…kind of true.

The face staring back at me, my face, looked shocked. My jerky fell from Freddie's, my, hands. "Sam, did we just -?"

"Shh!" I hissed, suddenly remembering something important. "What time is it?"

"But Sam, we're – "

"The _time_!" I hissed, distracted.

He reached for my, his, wrist and showed me the time on the geeky-looking digital watch. "Ten past eight, now could we please – mmph!" The 'mmph' was brought on from me cupping a hand around his mouth (which wasn't easy, his hands were so weak and useless!) and dragging him around the corner while he struggled. I let go and he yelled.

"Sam, what -?!"

"Shh!" I hushed him harshly again. It was like the kid never had an ounce of danger in his life!

I felt him watching me as I looked around the corner. Mr. Howard was, as I knew, walking right by where we were just standing with his usual coffee mug.

I was _pro_ at this.

I turned back to Freddie and almost jumped, forgetting we were switched again. Obviously, I wasn't really feeling all like myself today, so it slipped my mind. Kind of funny, if you think about it. Because I _wasn't_ myself.

Anyway, Freddie was looking at me with my own half shocked, half impressed face.

"Crankypants walks past this hallway everyday around eight-ten." I explained to the dork ruining my life. "He watches the geometry channel's segments on parallelograms. Moron." I rolled my eyes.

"So I'm guessing you skip class often?"

_Often_? "You're actually asking that question?"

"Right, sorry." He seemed to suddenly remember he was panicking then. "How'd we switch again?! We didn't even use Spencer's machine!"

"How am I supposed to know?" I retorted. It wasn't the greatest comeback of all time, but my mind was way too preoccupied to think of anything better.

It wasn't even about not being in my own body, which would be a definite reason of worry for most people. It was who I was still switched with, and the situation we were in, and the rumors flying around. The fact that my walls were becoming way too thin, and Freddie was now the one protecting them. I knew he wouldn't even try. So what if he'd called me to ask where I was? He was probably only checking on me because he knew Carly would fall into depression if I were gone. After all, everything the dork did revolved around Carly, if he had the choice.

"Something must've activated it…" Freddie was now pacing, talking to himself more than me no doubt. The nerd. "But what?"

I sighed, frustrated. My stomach growled. "Fredward, when was the last time you ate?! I'm _starving_!"

"Do you ever think about anything but food?!" he replied angrily. "We're in the middle of a crisis here, so if you're not gonna help me think then don't be here at all!"

Ouch. That kind of stung.

"Fine then." I said coolly. He stopped pacing and stared, dumbfounded. "I'll just…go to class then. As you. And do all your work for you…" I smirked and turned away from him, knowing exactly where his Biology class was, and exactly how I would destroy it.

I guess it took Freddork a few seconds to figure out that, yes, I _was_ planning something of the juvenile variety that could land him in detention. "Wait! Sam?! What are you gonna do…?!" He was walking behind me now, obviously afraid of what kind of wrath

I was gonna bestow on his beakers or his triple beam balances. Ha.

"Oh, nothing…" I replied nonchalantly. "Go back to your pacing, it'll be _fine._"

"There's no way I'm letting you within five feet of accelerated Biology on a lab day, Puckett!" he said to me. "We have to figure out what's wrong with us! You're helping me!"

"Yeah, like you're the boss of me." I laughed and turned to face him. I didn't realize how close he was (after all, he was in my body, and my body was way faster than his) and we bumped heads, screaming 'ow!' at the same time. "Watch where you're standing, dork!"

"_You're _the one who bumped into me!" he retorted, rubbing his head.

"Not true!"

"So true!"

"So not true!"

"You just love blaming things on me!"

"I don't love _anythin_g about you!" Maybe I shouldn't have went there.

"Oh really?"

"Yes really!"

"Well I hate everything about you, too!" Of course he did!

"Of course you do!" I repeated out loud. "All you care about is Carly! That's the only reason you called yesterday, right?! You didn't want Carly to get upset with you, right?!"

"What are you -?!"

"_Silence_, both of you!" We both turned towards the cranky voice. "What is going on here?! I was right in the middle of _Squares: Square Did They Come From?_ When I heard all this racket!"

"Mr. Howard…hey!" I said cheerfully. "Uh…I like your shirt!" I didn't. It looked like puke straight from my cat's mouth.

"Do you two have hall passes?!" he screeched at us.

Freddie said, "No, but – "

"Butts are for sitting in desk chairs, Ms. Puckett!" The cranky man took out a pad of paper and began talking to himself. "Let's see…illegal absence from class…using outside voices _inside_ – " he glared. "…disrespect towards others, disrupting other classes – " He looked to the side, his eyes falling on the jerky Freddie dropped a few minutes ago. "…unorthodox disposal of meat products…and your total is…" What a freak. "Three weeks of detention for Mr. Benson, and three weeks and one day of detention for Miss Puckett."

"Why do I – why does Sam get more detentions?!" I protested.

"Because I don't like your kind." He snarled at Freddie, who he thought was Sam.

"And Freddie has AV club meetings!" Freddie complained. "He's the vice president!"

"Well you can tell your AV VP that it's just too darn bad!" he screamed, causing us to jump. "Maybe these detentions will finally get you two to grow up and stop fighting like an old married couple!"

"An old married _what_?" Fredward asked incredulously. I ignored that part of the sentence completely.

"Wouldn't that technically be growing _down_?" I asked Sir Yells-A-Lot. "'Cause, like, you said we were acting like we were old – "

"Go to class!!" he screamed.

"Going/see ya!" Fredward and I said at the same time.

"Freddie, what class do I have?" Freddie questioned.

"Figure it out." I snapped at him, just as I entered his Biology class. Everyone stared.

"Have a seat, Mr. Benson." Freddie's teacher – I think her name was Ms. Gillard? - told me. I saw an empty seat next to Carly, which was probably Freddie's seat. And I assumed I was right, because when I sat down no one saw it as out of the ordinary.

"You okay? I know that hit you hard." Carly whispered to me. Oh, right. I was supposed to have gone to the nurse. What did I injure? Hmm…

"Yeah, I'm cool." I told her. "I just put some ice on it, and I was fine."

Carly's face scrunched up in confusion. "What do you mean, 'ice'?"

Just as I was about to answer with another stupid lie, Ms. Gillard silenced the class. I put my head in my hands and prepared for sleep.

"Alright, class." Ms. Gillard spoke. "Today we're going to work on the lab we discussed yesterday. Everyone will receive the necessary utensils and one of these." I lifted my head off the desk. Ms. Gillard, gloves on, held up a frog. It looked dead to me. Turned out it was, based on everyone's moaning and groaning.

"There's no way I'm dissecting anything, no matter how dead it is." Carly whispered to me.

"I think it sounds cool." I told her. In regular Biology, where I was, they never let any of us anywhere near sharp utensils or dead things. It was so unfair.

"Freddie, you're squeamish."

"Say what?"

"You've got a weak stomach." She looked baffled. "You don't know what 'squeamish' means?"

"Of course I do, I was just testing you." I lied. "Anyway, I decided to face my fear…"

"Good for you." She smiled, then frowned. "Unfortunately I don't think my determination can outmatch my stomach." Ms. Gillard came by and added tools and a lovely dead amphibian to the tray on our table. When she left, Carly pushed the tray over to me. "Ew! Ew! You do it! Ew!"

"Alright, alright." I picked up a random tool. What could possibly go wrong? "Wait, so do I cut its head off or…what?"

* * *

"I can't believe you did that." Freddie moaned. We were outside detention waiting for Howard the Horrible to arrive. We were trying to be as discreet as possible because other detention regulars were in the vicinity. Rip-Off Rodney was there, of course. Harry, who brought more spray paint to school than he did books. Janet, who enjoyed egging cars. And people. And people in cars. Also, Tyler was there. The dude always slept in class. _Always_.

"Well I didn't know what I was supposed to do!" I defended. "It's not like I was listening in any of your classes last week!"

"So you just assumed you were supposed to test the frog's reflexes by hitting it with a hammer?!" he asked loudly. "S – _Freddie_!" He noticed Harry staring at us. Once he turned away, Freddie continued. "It flew off the table and onto Ms. Gillard's computer, causing the computer to short-circuit, which set off the fire alarm!"

"At least no one was hurt!"

"My mom has to pay to replace five desk legs! And Ms. Gillard's wig!" Freddie said. "And you got me another week of detention!"

"Ugh." I rolled my eyes. He was making it seem a lot worse than it was. And I didn't see Carly trying to stop me! "Look, I'll pay for desk legs, okay?" He looked confused. He probably thought I was broke or something. I wasn't _broke_. I just…didn't have as much as I…needed. But I wasn't broke! "I'll sell the trampoline."

"No, it's okay. My mom's already got it covered." He said quietly.

"Oh, of course." I rolled my eyes.

Mr. Howard appeared around the corner and stormed towards us.

"We're having detention in Miss Briggs' classroom today. Follow me, hooligans." He ordered. And so we did. But that wasn't all we did. On the way to the brigg (ha ha, get it?), Janet carefully taped a sign to his back that read, 'Kick My Head So My Hair Will Grow.' Harry painted a yellow angry face right under it. And Mr. Howard didn't even notice. Even Freddie laughed silently.

We finally reached and entered the room. Briggs' room was desolate-looking, with only one small window at the very back where no one could look out of it without getting caught. There were no posters or stupid teacher sayings or artwork. Nothing to look forward to or be proud of. Maybe it reflected her life. Sometimes it felt like it reflected mine, when I was really down in the dumps.

Freddie took a seat up front, being the dork he was, and I took a seat in the back, being the person who had smarts for things that actually helped you in life. Always sit as far away from teachers as possible. It was Puckett 101!

"Now, I know you're all thinking that you can just goof off this afternoon because I'm going to watch the geometry channel." Mr. Howard began his long, unbearably stupid speech. "Well think again, future juvenile hall residents! See there?!" We all followed his finger, which was pointing to the corner of the ceiling right above his head. There was something black installed up there. "The lovely Francine installed a camera, which sends feed right to the teacher's lounge, to the television right next to the one I frequently use to view math episodes." I mouthed 'lovely Francine?' with disgust, and fake-gagged. Everyone else groaned and slumped in their seats, except Fredward, who was sitting up straight with his hands folded, making me look like a total loser, which was very, very hard to do. I guess the dork was just that dorky. I hated him. I hated that I had to find little reasons to hate him to prove to myself that I really did hate him. And not something else. "This camera has full view of the door to this room, and the camera in the back has a full view of all the desks, so don't even think about escaping or rough-housing." I rolled my eyes. "Instead, why don't you all think about how to turn your life around so you don't end up working at Chili My Bowl or Burger Prince for the rest of your life!" He stared us down. "Have a wonderful afternoon." He chuckled and left, the door closing behind him.

As everyone around me complained about how unfair this was, my brain went to work. I looked around, trying to find a loophole in Howard's plan. There was a camera in the back, right over the window, and a camera up front facing the door. So…

Wait!

The plot fell easily into my head. I most likely had about ten seconds to get to the back of the room before Mr. Howard reached the teacher's lounge. I got up out of my seat and raced to the back. Everyone was so wrapped up in themselves, so nobody noticed.

Except Freddie.

"Hey!" he mouthed. "What're you doing?" I shook my head, trying to silence him. He asked again, and I grudgingly beckoned him over. He shook his head no, and I nodded. The process repeated for about six seconds until he finally ran over and pressed himself to the wall, right next to me. I sat down, and he did the same. We were down right under the only window in the room.

"We're going to get in trouble!" he whisper-screamed.

"No, we're not." I whispered back. "Look." I raised my head, and he followed. The base of the camera was right above our heads. The lens, though, was facing outward, and, just as I predicted, we weren't in sight of either camera. "See?"

Take that, Mr. 'Eats-Pants' Howard!

When I looked down, and back at Freddie, he was wearing a face I'd never seen on him. Or even myself.

Admiration.

"Genius." He whispered, and then he snapped out of it, just as quickly as he'd snapped in. "So, wait, how are we escaping then?"

"Isn't it obvious, dork?" I tapped the glass above me. "We use the window."

He clearly looked afraid. "Won't we get, um, hurt or something?"

I smirked. "Scared?"

"Me?" he responded, clearly about to lie. Unlike me, he was horrible at it. "Scared? Pfft! N-no way! Not me!"

"Oh, good." My smirk grew. "'Cause you're going first."

* * *

**A/N: Phew, finally got the words out. I liked this chapter. I thought I stayed true to iCarly's silliness, and still managed to add some Colors (hehe, get it? Colors? 'Cause that's me, and then the colors, and…yeah.:P).**

**Sorry I have'nt replied to any reviews, but I've read all of them and really appreciate them! Thanks you guys!**

**I have two things to say before I sign out,**

**The first is that I've posted some iCarly videos to YouTube, so I'd really appreciate it if you guys checked 'em out! Just look out 'ColorsOfTheSky101' in the search bar.**

**Secondly, IKISS IS THIS WEEKEND! I'm SO SO SO excited! In honors of this wonderful, Seddieful episode, I will be posting not one, but TWO, iKiss-related oneshots! They will probably be up within the weekend, so either late at night on the 3****rd**** or sometime during the 4****th****.**

**I hope you all have a wonderful New Years!**

**-Colors**


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